Watermelon x Mango

Human.

Let me tell you the insanity between watermelon and mango. 

They-Can't-Meet-Each-Other- AT ALL. 

I know that fruits are good and I am their munch-er all the time but I pick what suit those fruits that makes them taste a whole lot better. Like, Celery x Green Apple,Oh My, they are ridiculously heaven! 

But today, my cravings for fruits riled up and i gone grabbing two fruits that never made for each other. 

Even they taste great when you eat them at the moment, you just wait for another 30 minutes before Loo's Calling like hell yeah it is surreal. 

And the stomach pain is no joke I tell you, it was extremely uncomfortable and you keep punching and pinching your abdomen, in desperate trials to locate where is the pain came from? 

Totally waste of energy! 

The pain stuck inside for next 3 hours and i bear it by grinning and walking around office purposelessly :(

So, my unwanted experiment today might provide you with tips of don't between Watermelon and Mango. 

THEY ARE BAD FOR EACH OTHER.

Really really bad..dddddddddd.

***At least, eat them separately at different times. 

This is just 'acting' , they do NO good for one another.

Duhh

bullies are ashes

Have you ever feel tired of pretending?

 I know we shouldn't be falsifying life but for some people things just get harder. It's like we want to let out many things but that 'many' are too risky. 

At one time, we're strongly feel that "Let's face what may come, I didn't care!" BUT , few seconds later there we stood in a corner thinking how this will be? 

How its going?

 Do we strong enough to stand in that way later? Who will I have to support me in this fight?

Will it be way too complicated than what I expected? 

And, we become shattered again, by same people, by same situation, with the same things over and over again. And what makes us down is that we have the sole power to end this but why that whole power doesn't seem enough to stop this endless pain? Why we become too weak when our desire to fight is stronger than ever? 

The bravery got so confused and consumed so much eagerness in ourselves. We become scared. The drive forces got twisted especially if the person is living as part of our live. 

They have access in our history, our kindness and many points in our life. They know that they hurt you and you get angry but sooner, you are cool and get okay again. 

The issue is, we must not be okay if other people bully our emotions. 

IT IS WRONG. THEY WRONGED US. And that must stop now. 

I never intended to compare the physical and emotional abuses but I face the emotional abuse and slowly it affects me, physically. too. No matter which one starts first, the rotation won't slow down. Both will get hurt. 

Always, always we think that we are too kind to stay smiling and  forgive them endlessly like we were made for stamping "I FORGIVE YOU" on everyone's forehead 24/7. 
That's not it. 
We are not "It's okay" machine. 

Forgiveness is good, it is definite noble but there's rational in playing this hard too. We can forgive but too often than not, these people won't learn nothing on how precious the chances are. 

They won't learn that IT IS NOT OKAY TO HURT PEOPLE FEELINGS. 

They won't realize that how lucky they got us instead of anybody else that might backfire them worst off. 

So next time, you face the same people and they do the same thing AGAIN, PLAY IT HARD. Remember, they may have some access to us but that does not mean that you should left everything on fate and let God handles all. Of course, God is watching. But He also gave you MIND TO THINK. You gotta work on your life too. 

So, stop thinking. Stop being a victim and act like a true fighter, I cannot help you that far and not everybody on Earth see your pain, but you, yourselves saw it all, and most importantly. you feel it, you go through their hell, so there's no one as due as YOU TO FIX THIS PROBLEM. 

Those bullies. 

They are ashes.

They have no dependent. They got no price for their worth. They swirl around follow the wind. And, wherever they land, no one likes them. They are not accepted anywhere. 

But you, YOU got your community. Get the positive people and involve in the society & grow even stronger and always influence each other for good deeds and union. 

HUMAN WERE CREATED FOR CHANGES.

There's always room for that so,

CHANGE.

SHE'S SO INCREDIBLE, I CAN'T EVEN

PREGNANCY

Okay, so above picture should be all about goodness and wonderful expectations as you are expecting your bundle of joy. But, the process caused me to willingly bury myself deep down the ground. 

We are not talking about how it happens okayyy. We are here to talk about that pushing-huhhh-haahhh-huuhhh-haahh thingy. 

Me, myself when I was a baby caused my mother to almost die birthing me out. I was the hardest child to push out. Well, I am terribly sorry mama. When she told me how it was done, I cannot help crying like a baby [I am a cry baby anyway] because my time was so so bad for her. 

And I feel so so bad for her.

I am the baby of Retained Placenta, causing my mother to bleeding more than normal birth. She was not ready for that and no one was expecting that too. So, no preparation and no mental readiness. I just went out of her without my placenta and it stuck , caused endless bleeding and she was literally on her deathbed that time. 

Besides imagining her cut and bleeding hoohaa, the doctors and nurses hands' all went in there, struggling to catch the moving placenta from sticking to her heart. That's the thing with this case, the plate-like-pizza placenta moving up and it will stop at your heart. Causing out-of-breath and ---, you know what.

One of the nurse pressed my mom's stomach wholeheartedly using all the force she could exerts to stop the Placenta from getting upwards.

Can you even imagine how worst off my mother had to face all those natural torture?

I-CAN'T- EVEN. 

She just gave birth, and she did not take any Happydural [epidural] and she went through the pushing by herself without my fathers supports [which that sucks the hospital didn't allow husbands to accompany their wives going to battle their life ALONE for their child]. She was bleeding, and her hoohaa was cut open, she has no energy anymore, she's flat and really really weak, her hand hung from side of the bed, and in half-conscious because losing too much blood while peoples' hands inside of her and one was pushing her stomach harder than CPR and she endured all that, leaving her life entirely on God's hands. 

People in the theater kept telling her to stay awake as she cannot passed-out or she die. She tried hard to stay awake and she loves me more than her life that she willing to let people rammed her like that,

Masyallah!

HOW GREAT HER LOVE FOR ME, I can't compare to nothing-at all. 

So, the big chunk of Placenta got caught but there's  more in her. She managed to left hospital with me few days after and started traditional remedies by drinking stinky and foul smelled Sea Cucumber juices.  [It was proven for centuries being good for healing any wound especially for women in confinement]. You know traditional remedies back then were so 

"PURE AND REAL" without any improvement like flavors option or fancy packaging. They were truly in hideous form and really really REALLLL. 

So, she drank those eerie juices I bet no one would do if not with the thoughts of wanting to see her children grow up. Some moments later, she went to toilet and peed chunks of Placenta. 

Are you cringing??!

Cause I do :(

So that no more thingies left inside her, she gone through confinement and here is me now, all healthy and happily living life with her Subhanallah sacrifices. 

Few years back, I am diagnosed with Thyroidism and she took care of me from all time that at one moment I really thought I can live with her alone. That's enough for me.

No need to story things she has done to keep me alive instead I always wonder, what have I  done to deserve this angelic-Heaven-sent mother?

So, to you mother:

There is no one like you and no one like me. 

Because you were made for me, and I were made of you.

No one can handle me, exactly how you do.

That's why you're my MOTHER and I love you too.

Love,

Ain

Art & Science Streams.

         "When both are equally important, then its not the time to choose, its time to learn both."- Ain

When I was in high school, I was exposed that science stream was the best of all-the real reason you went to high school and graduate with all glory of being science major(er). But the thing was, my soul spoke arts. the intricate language of gazing and observing paintings while generating their meanings. I was so determined that i got enough with 1-year science and it was my time to speak my heart out. So, i told my teacher that I want to shift to Art Stream that year. 

It wasn't foolish nor empty, but its my passion and reality. But, many people didn't see Art my way- or they taught its isn't my way. I got yelled and she was so furious and until now, I still think what have I done wrong? 

But, I was so young that time and I didn't own my own future that much so I went with majority and graduated with Science Major. 

Ever since I knew how Art was very very intrigue, I looked up every single thing as an ART. I love all sorts of art activities/programs or anything related to it. Culture, Languages, Art of Cooking & Food, and History are those that always caught my attention. Later, I found out that actually, all thing around us are arts. From hand writings to real paintings, everything seems attractive and carries meanings. Each art reflects personality and behavior hints. It was so mind-blowing that I decided to change my major after long consideration. 

Even years passed on, and my choice of shifting to Art Lesson wasn't approved back then, but I never gave up on Arts. Science had become my blood and Art is my soul. I don't think I am able to choose between Arts and Science because both lived in me and they keep growing each day. They are like living things, symbiosis and complement each other. It impossible to separate them and there is no way I'm capable to choose which one I can live without.

 So, I keep myself alert on new technologies, especially latest findings in Medicine and Health. It was my dream too, once, to be a doctor but God knows best that Art is my way. 

So you see, if it wasn't because of my teacher yelling to me, and greatly made me stay on Science, I might not graduate with any major because I most probably be in deep dilemma far too long and left behind even before I make my choice.  (Thank you Teacher :) deep from my heart)  And, you must have faith that if something is meant to be your way, you will be in that way despite of everyone saying "No" to you. 

I realized that all these happened for many reasons and amazingly, they happened at the best time. Everything falls right on time; when Allah knows you are ready and equipped to face it. 

Alhamdulillah, syukur. 

Now. I'm in my final year in learning Art Based-Linguistic Major in Dip. in Eng and currently, am doing my internship at a private company. I couldn't be much more contented with where I am right now and with all blessing Allah graces on me. 

May all these gratefulness always in track and may all of us achieve success Here and There After.

Amin.

I AM HERE, WORKS.

Just. What. To. Do. Now.?

People, you have to help me.

I seriously need works or I can die out of boring-ness in this Alaskan office!

 (mann, the air conditioner in here is no kidding)

As you all know, Kak Aisyah is probably somewhere in the middle of the deserts, visiting the Pharaoh tombs and Sphinx or gazing at the golds accessories of the late Egyptian rulers in the museum. Or, she may be enjoying the scenery on camel rides with sunglasses and all covered up like a true Egyptian lady while sipping the iced-lemon tea on a blazing hot day.

 Hmmm, that sounds too nice to be true but who knows? The point is, she is on vacation and 

I. AM. HERE.

I've been spending my time since early morning, yawning and reading Vivy Yusof 's blog. It was very very fun and I found that it kills time.

*please Vivy, write more and kill my time today*

A terrible sleep it was last night when I dreamt of GHOSTS and all my family members involved in that horrible dream. Anyhoo, it was so ridiculous that i instantly know that THIS IS ALL SATANS-so I completely get over it.

But, I must say that it left me very tired like I was running for miles!

So, back to your helps.. I need some works here people. There are not many people in the office today because they have to visit the other clinic. Since the office is like a hospital, all gloomy and passive, I was (in fact still) sleepy. With not enough sleeps last night, I woke up half-asleep and half-conscious. And the office was cold, and I was snotting and no one is looking, so the ambiance was  too good that I can just lie under my table now and snoreeeee.

For God sake, I'm really thinking to do it nowww.

______________________________________________________________

Besides, this weekend will be a hectic one for sure. Ano's in-law family still have not celebrated this "sambut menantu" tradition so we have to go to Sekinchan for her second wedding celebration.

I was all giddy up and can't wait but, thinking that I am working now, it makes hugeeeeee different on my mind. I need to balance the time for personal activities and works. Works consumed soooo much time and effort of me and weekends are 

MY ONLY SAVIOR to QADA TIDUR. (to replace sleep)

So whatever comes into my weekend list better be worth-it, like my sister's wedding, I've been waiting for this since ten years ago so for this one, I would sacrifice my One-month weekends if I need to. 

CONGRATULATION Ano! 

Love you!

But. one thing for sure, I'll be that thief and steal as much time to nap anytime, anywhere possible. Lets say, somehow,  we met at the wedding and it's look like I'm so-not-me, let me "sorry" you in advance here, I'm Sorry....because that would be me, sleeping peacefully while standing, sitting or whatever I might be doing. 

Face the fact, we need to make time for sleeps. Aren't we? (don't you??)