Sick (sic)

The fact that i'm writing THIS right now is amazing because i literally don't have energy at all to even move a finger.
I'm sick people 

Really really sick.

I was sooooo tired these few days and I haven't sleep well (at times i cannot sleep at all) but still, i must rise and shine early morning everydayyy. 

So yesterday was the climax when i'm too exhausted and my body cannot cope it anymore.

When i wake up this morning, i had mild fever but i know it's getting serious because of my excruciating sore throat (its like an indicator ,in my case) but i be all positive and continue ironing  my clothes, drink water and ready for Tg. Malim.

One the other thing is, I hatehatehatehatehate aircond!!!
But i  have to face a "refrigerator LRT" along the way to KL Sentral.. I cannot even stand yet i forced myself to stand along the 13 stations! What a day! And guess what, i stand still exactly under the air conditioner just above my head!

I was not me at that time and am really waiting if anyone want to offer me an (impossible) seat.

Oh you know, LRT in the morning, all cramp nad crowd and tin sardines and allll.

Stepping out of the LRT,  i almost faint  and my foot felt too light-but i held it in, i don't want to worry my mommm.
(Much much love for her! )

So we parted ways, shes going to office and me, still trying to look "All Good here,Mom."

But thats it. Few seconds later, I cannot afford fake health, so i called UPSI and they told me it is okay to just email letters to them.

I was soo furious.

Heyy dont you know what i have been through for you the guy on the phone yesterday!! You told me to come but this officer said i can just email it to him!!! You @#$5^7*!

And im in a very very critical bad health state, that i cannot think straight anymore so, i become clumsy, i spilled hot water on KFC's table which i'm supposed to dissolve my medicine into it.

Crap.

So cold water for medicine here we go...

Not to mention, i almost puke in front of public at KFC.

Ergh Ain. So not Ain.

I catch my train, thank God got seats but the air cond still there (goshh i hateeeeee it) and I took a cab, straight away to home.

Hmm.

What a dayy.

Tuanya aku

Recently, my mother asks me,
"How old are you?"

What my mind's trying to depict is, "I'm 20." But the fact is , "I'm 21 this year."

Gulp!

I hold that thought for seconds and think,

"OMG I'M THAT OLD NOW."

Perhaps, for other people, being 21 is all good and okayy, everything is nice and wild, you are still fresh and teenage, but  me, i'm scared-to be honest.

I always think of death which may come anytime upon me, and by just having that thought, i can cry emotionally, sobbing at a tight dark corner. The force hits in so strong and sudden that i'm thinking- Ok, thats it. You've gotto do something in this life, Ain.

But of course, i'm being positive, considering all the nature aspects like my good health, nutritious food, frequent medical check up and do exercises but there are too many things out of our controls.

Then, the "WHAT IF" phrase came..
WHAT IF "the time" is now?
WHAT IF i fell here?
WHAT IF that car hits me?
WHAT IF , What if , what if...

Ifffff.

Hmm.

So, to make things clearer, i idolized somebodies but here, i really looked up on Allayarham Ahmad Ammar whom died at just 20 years old but all his good deeds somehow hint that he's guaranteed for heaven sake, Masyallah, Insyallah...!!
He did tremendous good things and he deserved all that.

Comparing THAT to myself, what have i done in my 20?

If God 'calls' me now, what do I do?
Have i had ENOUGH deeds to present to Him?
Am i qualified to knock the heaven's door?

All these Q&A linger non-stop and my wariness increasing.

We all can say;
I'm 13.
I'm 30.
I'm 78.
I'm 5 months old.

But you know, it isn't about "I'm this number.".

Its about that question.

WHAT IF? 

Don't cry Ain, just sleep.

..that is what im tellig myself right now, repeating it thousand times, with hopes that myself would listen to myself, and shed the tears.

The hard truth is that, i am crying right now.

Maybe, i should tell myself, "stop crying now".

Ok.

Then.

"Stop crying now dearself, stop crying. Things will be okay. It will be. It must be!"

In Pain, In Vain

Worst. Day. Ever.

My lil sis turned Wallahu crancky yg amat, she got fever ad refused to take medicines, she ended up crying and protesting while i literally crying so badly too.

I had toothache, it was so so so pain and menstruation cramp at the abdomen and my back as well, my moods all gone and i'm being super crancky too.

So its like double Pompei meeting points here.

I cried just to feed her the medicine.!!

And the cries was so sincere that i begged her like hell just to eat the Paracetamol tablet.

And the whole day after that; i am not me anymore.

Struggling with personal pain that comes with mood swings, and one of the most unbearable additional pain on Earth(toothache) and then, the never ending "open-your-mouth-now-please-please-i-beg-you-i-beg-you" situation were exhausting!!!

I've reached my limit just now so my sister was shocked  me either. I just wowed! What happen to me?

It's the pain people, the pain. No joke okay, hands down, give up already.

So, i cleaned many pukes, dealing with tantrumsSSSS, shouting, consoling, shouting again and crying and cry some more and NO SLEEP AT ALL.

Please.

I deserve a treat.

Chill Ain, soon enough. Soon.

Fuhhhhhh 😩

#kidsnojokeitellyou
#thinkmilliontimesbeforemarried
#mymomischampion
#okaydonenowmybediscalling

I talk to my stomach

No im not married yet so no, im not a pregger.

But i always had issues with my stomach. Thats the main reason i choose my food very very very careful.

At times, i think im NOT in the power of my own stomach. It asks what it wants, it drives me nuts even after good foods, it throws tantrum, furrious bloating and hello there diarrhea, and others.

Very unpredictable.

And i've done from yoga breathing techniques to medicines just to cast the pains away.

Stomach ache is extremely uncomfortable.

But most of time, diplomacy worked. Yes. You read me right.

I talk to my stomach, lovingly.

It seems like i'm pregnant because i'll be holding and rubbing my fat layers , greeting them softly, talking and comfort it nicely. Once i felt that zingg of pain gush in, i'll straight away ask,

"Ok. Lets talk. What is it? What do you want?"

Or

"Why dear stomach..? What did i eat wrong? It's too spicy just now isn't..?"

"I know i know. Poor you.. i am sorry."

Yes. I end up apologizing to my very own digestive system.

Even its darn foolish, but it works everytime!

No kidding people.

Our stomach listen well...!

They have different feeling. I guess thats when you want to eat something else but your stomach says no, it needs another menus!

So yeahh. Im that kind of human who talks to her own stomach or what others may seen as fat abs to ease my stomach ache.

*sudden cringe!*

Aw.
Snap it!

"Okok. What is it now you baby baby little cute tiny fat abs....?"

*super loving motherly face*"

"Food time is it?"

😌

Spicyness? Heck

My family and i love love love spicyness. We all do. We cannot live without it. We must have that savoury-ness and the ever amazing sweat drop and snot and watery eyes aftermaths of spicy dish.
But i was told to refrain from spicy food as my "dont's" for hyperthyroid .
(Kind of impossibility i couldnt believe i made it till today, yeay!)

So the things went on smoothly..
No spicy food-ok
No cili padi-ok
No red green berlada-ok
Its all ok.

I thought i'll be fine and this temporariness will ease soon but heck it!  I was totally wronged!

All these No-ok No-ok don'ts had made me intolerable even to the slightest spicyness.

Not. Even. A. Little.

Day by day, my mother started to notice me changing and altering the level of spicyness in my food choices. And i cannot fake it so i be honest  to my family.

"I'm sorry guys. You gonna have to move on with chillies without me." 😢

"I'll be rooting for our family. But i won't eat them."😢

*cries*

And since i'm studying at UPSI which is in Perak, i am GLAD THAT PERAKIANS DON'T EAT/ COOK SPICY FOOD THAT MUCH OMG IM CHAGING MY MIDDLE ID NUMBER TO 08 NOW.

(Any Perakians here? Oh hye BFF! Kirim salam kat mak.)

*wink*

Up until now, i will make sure to ask the cooks "How spicy is this? Rate for me please? Thank you. May God bless you people." for every dish contains chillies.

Lame huhh?
I'm like a kiddo so afraid of chillies and its embarassing
For Malays especially, eating spicy foods show braveness, self-power like a transition from child to adult but heck it (again) who cares ? If this chillies cause me diarrhea, stomachache, dizziness and insomnia at night, I RATHER BE THAT KIDDO WHOM AFRAID OF CHILLIES.

My point is, if you cannot do something because it reached your self-limitation, forced your body, and caused negative effects on you, THEN DON'T DO IT!

Heck it( yes, again) if people downgrade you for lame excuses but YOU CAN'T YOU SHOULDN'T AND YOU WON'T COMPROMISE YOUR HEALTH-for any reason AT ALL!

So stay cool like that. Chill.(ies). People speak but they get tired eventually. If they don't?

Heck it Heck it Heck it.
(again again again!)

*hands on shoulder*
*cringe*
*roll your eyes*

             Lulz.

Ive got 13 minutes left

Okay.
So.
I. Have. 13. Minutes. More. Before. My. Listening. MUET. whatever but am boooorrred and sleeeeeeeeeppy !

My writing was..erm..ahhh..i think its been fine just now.. and speaking was Ookay and reading was hectically ok-ok, but im scared of listening.

Well.
Im the President of so-this-called as Kelab Pekak among my fam members so Listening for MUet?? Hell yeah im scared right now.
*shrudder*

*cries*

*shrudder*

*snot*

Enough drama.
Lets face muet.

_______

Oh hye uncle Muet!

Ketumbitankahku?

Ok.
So i woke up at 6 am and ready to go to the clinic with puffy eyes after writing entree articles for internship intake until morning.

Reached clinic one hour earlier so i sat and battled with mosquitoes. And. Flies. 😑

Tung tang tung tang and the clinic registration opened at lasstttt.

While walking, i glanced at the general clinic OMG ARE YOU PEOPLE SLEPT AT THE CLINIC LAST NIGHT?
THE QUE WAS LOOOOONG.

Nevermind. None of my business.
Flip scarf, went to the dentistry counter.

So this auntie cut my turn but fool me because i didnt know i should put my ID there.

I went to the checking room and it was 5 minutes intrusion from all sorts of metal thingies into my mouth and some fruitful discussion with the doctor.
Still, i did not feel any strange pain.

Then i took cab and went home, late in the evening i decided to cook... BUT THERE THIS UNUSUAL PAIN COMING FROM INSIDE OF MY LEFT EYES.

I hurried to the mirror and Boooomm!!!

I got ketumbit (sort of eyes infection-i call it pimple)

I was so mad because "IT" was not there this whole morning. Whyyyyy Whyyy?? Where have "YOU'' been all the time at the clinic !

We could easily get medication for this, and fix you! Whyy you are so scared of the doctors pimple???! Whyy? but its wayy too late for that.
The pimple grows larger and it makes such an 'appearance' on my eyes.

W-o-w. Standing ovation for you P!!

Super-magnified-swollen-puffy-eyes-with -dark-circles.
If it's a dish it really sounds fancy but it is NOT people. 😩

So back to the loooooooooong que at general clinic, Do they have space for a tiny me tomorrow?

We reconcile !

So today i made it the first to the gov denstistry and..apocalypse happened. I receive reference letter for Hospital Selayang Destistry for minor operation for my tooth.

Whyy tooth
Whyy you grew horizontally??
Dont you supposed to love me?!

😥 sighhhh~

During the check up, the doctor told me about this Panoramic Xray, bius, cut whole, operation theatre, appointment etcc etcc..

Hah! There you go, eerie word scrabble for me!

(I never want to make up sentences from those phrases)

But the bright sight, i have
√NO CAVITY
√NO PLAGUE
√NO RUSTY
√NO INFECTION

Thank God sooo much my dental care is pretty awesome.

So back to Dr. Tun Shafiqah, i kinda like her, her cute face is alllll cute until she holds those scapel, needles and intrudes my mouth like a criminal ! 😷

And after an Hindi Ocean tought (deep big scary thinking process) i made decision that we should reconcile.. for better good.

So thats how my half day passed, what abt you?

Things with teeth ain't no game yo

Gotta 'VISIT' dentistry today or tomorrow and i can foresee the end of my life. 😥
I got this hell hole on my gum and probably my tooth too, and food has become my foe ever since. It got stucked and i need to dig to clean my tooth there. Then it bleeds so many times, even when im not eating.
So yesterday, i dug it with toothpick and it snapped between my teeth. So the scenario is, i-have-a-pointy-part-of- bamboo-stucked-between-my-teeth-and- poked-into-my-soft-gum-so-yeah-it-super-uncomfortable-situation- here.

I know i know this is a God's call for me to see the dentist because ive been giving all reasons to avoid it.
(I handle it pretty well all this while so a dentist?well-no-thank-you.)

Im alll good with dentists until one day i went and he said " There's no way, cabut cabut.."

Hell-oooooooo?? We are talking about excrutiating pain here and you don't go over cabut cabut on my face okay??

Dont worry, we BROKE UP right away.

So, back to my teeth, I tried all sorts of way to remove this bamboo piece (i even once stucked a steel needle, the pointy part between them) so i think a bamboo? A kayu?won't be a problem. But Well, clearly.
         I GOT A PROBLEM OVER HERE.

While still trying, it goes deeper into my root so each time my mouth in motion, i can feel the friction to my gums' roots.

Hmmmm
And im thinking right now,

Okay.

So where is this doctor's office????

E-m-e-r-g-e-n-c-y

Tanggungjawab kita

..adalah hak orang lain.

Renung-renungkan dan selamat beramal.