Kebodohan dalam kepandaian

Aku penat. Jadi orang harapan. Selalu rasa dipergunakan. Aku selalu pujuk diri by saying "Takapala..atleast kau berguna pada org lain. Ada kebaikan."
But dah lama kesabaran aku teruji.
Orang tahu aku focus dalam kelas. So they made me their brain.
And for Allah sake, i hate it the most.
Dont get me wrong. I love  love love to help people but i only want to share and help people that help themselves. - not those lazies.those lames.those who refuse to listen in class and never be a benefit because they always the pain in the neck.
They never want to think about themselves so i didnt expect them to think for others-like, for me.
They thought they enjoy their youth, their life but actually they are wasting time. They have ridiculous fun and they discard their ambitions.
They did not do the assignments. They always bickering over artists and stuff that not benefits them at all. They swear a lot on good thing-they not even realise at times it involves their Aqidah.
Im writing not to boast on how good or saint am i. But this is getting my nerves. They used me!
And i keep on lending hands by hands everytime while they are just extracting me out of my life.
.

People, get a life!  Because from the things youve done, you definitely don't have any.
Idc if you want to "enjoy teenage life while u can" but in this phase, if you "die" now you will die forever. Yknow what i mean?
Atleast-atleast-bring something.be something-make your parents proud!
Repay their deeds!
Pray and work hard!
.
Don't you know my pain serving you guys for this past years and all u ever gave me was almost nothing?
.
You submit works later than we agreed and you picked me everytime when youre not supposed to!
You troubled me during my private holidays yet me? Im still RESPECTING  your times and i still thinking twice or thrice to send texts if anything pop up of my mind.
.
Guys.
I have my life too.
I have my hardships too.
And i also have 24 hours-same as you guys.
But i can do things on time. I can cover them even i missed some parts.
I can compromise on my personal importances and yknow what? I choose you guys-works, assignments, datelines- compared to my own "enjoyments".
No body ask me to because it is not an order-not a request. Its responsibilities.
.
When it comes to group works, i worried the most.
I know too well whom ive involved with. Yes. Yes. I can pull out but you guys are. COMPLICATED.
.
THIS-is more tiring than entertaining those doctorates.
THIS-is more exhausting than dealing with my hyperthyroid.
This is unfair caused by mentalities and attitude like you guys.
.
I AM NEVER A SAINT.
There always time i skipped things. Im tired.
What makes you think it is okay to handle your super lame and lazy attitude? Is it okay for you to do assignments last minutes? Submit to me 6hours before submission? With incomplete work? You are not even reading things i emailed you? How do i know? Because of your stupid question-obviously.
"Idk wtd?"-read the elements.
"Which report eh?"-ive sent you a month ago.
"What to say in this paragraph?"-read the elements, questions provided. You just have to answer.
"Id understand this terms".-Google. (Do u expect me to google it for you?) hell no!
"Im going to email you on midnight?"-i dont have to sleep is it? I have to wait u come back is it? I have to suffer my Subuh Quran recitation for the sake of your attitude is it? I have to wake up super earlier than i usually do because ypu are late is it? And guess what? When i did and i saw your email, guess what? Its a hole here, hole there, hole everywhere!
H-O-L-E !
WHICH MEANS?
Im still working on my own. Editing your works. Fixing things last minutes. Rushing for earlier bus when im supposed to sleep peacefully and have extra rest and those swollen eyes because fixing your works, -it looks like my hardships turns to another worst chapter because of those hardships you re giving me. -endlessly.
And,  All this is UNNECCESSARY IF YOU GUYS CAN COMMIT TO THE GROUPS AND HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES !
Enough troubling other people.

May God bless each one of you-there, said.
.

But if you are really devoted to learn, and after DOING REASEARCH AND READING AND YOU STILL BLUR, IM OK WITH THAT. Lets meet and text till midnight to discuss-to share findings-to ask me which one is better or to ask me, can i include this info?
I AM GLAD TO HEAR THAT-TO ENTERTAIN THAT QUESTION-TO ASNWER IT-TO SACRIFICE MY NAPS FOR YOU -if it was really happen.
Well,-its not.
All you did was-not even staring at the food i gave, in fact you let them rotten on table and after you tired of playing and kicking things, you came back and ask me is there is anymore food because this one has rotten?
.

And for all assignments the same goes to everyone else.
Pay attention in class. TAKE NOTES.
Don't show how stupid you are by asking moron questions -texting people as you wish because fyi, Im not that linean.
I am never that friendly.
I am never that easy.
Yknow, its not youre the only type, because fyi, i have a whole bunch in my hands to answer-same attitude-same behavior-same topic-(same question-same answers, this is what i hate hate hate hate hate the mosttttt out of you guys.)
And i dislike typing messages and i still havent rest after longgg typing for my assignments *and i had injuries on my shoulder and super super stiff neck* yet STILL-and i have to continue replying those same answers and explanations to you?- what the heck guys?
All you did was troubless after troubless amd we share the As - yeay !
.
Some of u even text me, asking boring question-without researching first-and make fun of the assignments-and told me how uve been laughing for all this time-and now come to me and ask "mcmana u buat eh?"
Can i say - GTH ?
.
Fyi, i have my nap time,i need to sleep, i deserve it because i work hard on my assignments, my part, my marks, my grades, my As
-and you should have courtesies-not disturbing people as you wish.
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I am not here for you.
.
And you are not here for me.
.
So find your purpose to be here.
Find who are asking you to do all this?
And the most important is,

FIND YOURSELVES !
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Guys. I made mistakes. Its a huge mistake. And im emphatic to myself. Because it cant be undone. Its a regret. But knowing people parts of lesson. So i definitely learnt my lessons.
.
Guys.
I am sincere and i have hopes in u guys despite of anger alone but working  like this, is unbearable for anyone.
And u still have guts to ask me
"what to do?"
"Id understand the elements."
"This is all i can find."
"Im sorry for the inconvinience."
SORRY? THATS ALL IS IT? KEEP IT FOR YOURSELF.
Im deeply-terribly sorry for you guys.
.

Guys.
We share the carry marks. The reputations. The praises. The faults. But THIS- IS NOT IT-anymore.
Let this be the last.
I am sorry for my words and yes, im letting things out because this is how i live my life to the fullest.
I let go things and feelings and i regain strength and spirit to live better-to choose better option next time.
.
(Yknow, patience is the limit , not the attitude.)
THANK YOU

Ada benda lebih baik dibisukan.

Bukan senang jadi pelajar yang betul2 belajar.
Bukan senang nak jadi tenaga pengajar yang betul2 mengajar.
Bukan mudah nak menerima apa2 yang diajar.
Bukan mudah juga nak menyampaikan semua yang ingin diajar.

Manusia ada pelbagai sikap baik mahmudah atau mazmumah.
Status dalam masyarakat tu penting tapi lagi penting untuk menjadi masyarakat tu sendiri.
Aku cuba jadi baik, istiqamah adalah kelemahan terbesar aku.
Zuhud apatah lagi?
Semua nak digerakkan seiring kalau tidak?
Sia-sia amalan to jannah aku.
Nauzubillahminzalik, mohon dijauhkan.

Aku ambil sikap Arwah Ahmad Ammar.
Seburuk mana layanan tenaga pengajar, pilih kasih atau dengki, tidak ikhlas atau meninggi diri, sebagai pelajar, martabat guru amatlah tinggi berbanding kami.

Sekalipun mereka salah, niat nak menegur tu ada, tapi manusia sering berpendapat yang teguran akan "drop my water face" .
Maka?
Aku diamkan sebab?
Mereka GURU AKU.

Sakit? Perit? Sedih? Pedih?
Ofcourse.

TAPI !

Aku doa pada Illahi. Mohon, moga-moga disedarkan diri, dibukakan kesilapan untuk tatapan peribadi, dimudahkan taubat dan memohon maaf sesama kami.
Barulah aman hubungan cikgu2 dan kami2.

Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin. 😊😊😊

Satu jam ++++++++

Kau tahu erti marah dan pandai kau kongsikan rasa tu pada orang lain.
To be honest kesabaran aku terhadap kau selama mana aku kenal kau banyak terbazir.
Aku kira, "sabar Ain sabar Ain" yg aku bujuk rayu untuk diri sendiri dah basi.

If you want to talk about limitation, you can't. Because I never exceed yours.

Nak berbasa basi dengan aku lagi? Untuk apa?
Aku tidak takabbur/riak/ujub sebab aku tak rasa bangga diri masa aku buat kerja aku, sekalipun semua kerja terpaksa dipikul sebab aku lagi hormatkan perasaan guru-guru yang mengajar daripada kau.

Dan harus aku ungkit sedikit untuk ingatkan kau apa yang sudah kau sumbangkan untuk diri kau sendiri.

Isu ini memang berkaitan dengan aku tapi, aku lebih suka kalau kau sedar salah yang kau buat pada diri sendiri. Tapi, manusia susah menyedari khilaf diri sebaliknya kalau di-point out kan apa effect nya pada orang lain, barulah.

Aku benci pertelingkahan.
Ia memburukkan persepsi dan jatuh harga diri.
Dan aku cuba ,habis upaya untuk tahan amarah.

Dan asal kau tahu aku akan senantiasa belajar lebih bersabar.
Untuk kau.
Untuk dunia.

But my sincere doubt,
Does your times cost that low?

Wallahu.

Nama Encik ada dalam doa Saya.

Jangan fikir 2 tahun sebagai 2 tahun sebaliknya fikirlah 2 tahun itu sebagai 2 hari.
Rushing sungguh aku , macam2 nak dikerjakan.

Planning? Schedule? bertukar ganti.
Tahun? Hari? Jam?
Sama sahaja jangka waktunya.

Cepat.

Tapi dalam kepantasan tu, akan ada sesuatu yg buat kau rasa masa lambat berlalu.

Pada aku? Adalah seseorang yang sejak pertama kali terpandang,hati aku rasa lambat.

Ini bukan cinta.
Ini bukan suka.

Ini kisah hormatnya aku pada dia.

Syukur. Ak dikurniakan 6th sense yg agak kuat. Apa yg aku detikkan, itulh yg selalu berlaku.
Bukan psikik,tapi lebih kepada bijak menganalisis keadaan dan kebiasaan sesuatu.

Jadi aku perhati cara die bercakap, cara dia bersosial dgn kami, segalanya.
Terus aku tahu, die seorang yang bukan calang.

Tapi, Aku biarkan 6th sense aku dgn details2 terperincinya ketepi.
Malas nak difikirkan sebab?
Banyak lagi urusan duniawi nak disudahkan nanti.

Tapi.
Rasa hormat aku pada dia,sungguhpun dia muda, sangatlah tinggi. Aku sedar dia ni banyak lagi personaliti yang belum dikenali. Aku sedar dia ni istimewa, ilmu tinggi dan tak lokek berkongsi.
Sebab?

6th sense lah.

Tapi 6th sense aku pernah sekali sekala salah.

Tahun berganti, aku selalu terserempak dengan golongan yang meng-admire dia.
Dalam diam "oh, banyak peminat rupanya."
Memang wajar. Dia mahal di mindanya.

Kelas A, kata aku.

Hairan. Mengapa Allah selalu simpangkan perihal aku dengan berita2 tentang dia?
Sedangkan berjumpa pun tidak, terserempak pun jarang, berborak apatah lagi.

Tapi, aku teliti cakap orang.
Ya. Memang. Dia patut di-admire.
Aku senyum sendiri.

Pernah sekali, aku tak puas hati tentang rumours orang merendahkan darjat pendidikan dia.
Bagi aku, mempersoalkan darjat pendidikan itu kurang ajar.
Sekalipun dia hina dina, kalau ada satu ilmu pun yang berguna, yang dia sampaikan, dialah cikgu, guru pada aku.

Habis belajar, aku ketemu dia, terus bertanya, dia senyum, soalan aku terjawab.
Aku lega.
Aku tanya dia bukan sebab nak mengiyakan cakap2 umum
" siapa dia nak ajar aku sedangkan level die cmtu?"

Tapi aku tanya sebab aku bertambah tambah hormat pada dia.
"Siapa dia ni sebenarnya, baru level begitu dah bergelar guru? Mesti dia dah melakukan sesuatu yang hebat smpai diangkat martabat?"

6th sense aku betul.
Aku korek2 info, sungguh,  memang hebat.

"Aku kena jadi macam dia. Lebih hebat dari dia."

Aku selalu fikir, kalau aku rapat dengan dia, tentulah belambak ilmu ilmu dapat aku gali.
Banyak benda aku listkan nak ditanya tapi belum ada rezeki.

Aku suka berkawan dengan "kamus bergerak" ni. Kihkihkih.
Selain dapat tempias good habits, orang begini selalu bukakan minda aku dan very very inspiring.

Their experiences is more worthy than gold and rare diamond.

Their behavior and habits always have values that i should pick.

Dan masa pun berlalu.
Ada kala kami terserempak.
Aku tak pernah tak tertunduk hormat pada dia.
Normal reflex action kalau jumpa dia.
Kenapa?

Aku boleh cakap entah tapi aku nak cakap, yang makin hari aku makin admire dia, hormat aku makin tinggi nilainya.

Sampai sekarang, dia tak mungkin tahu betapa aku jatuh hati dengan peribadi dia.
Dari jauh, dia sangat menyenangkan.
Kejayaan dia, struggle dia, keazaman dia dan bukti2 pencapaian dia always bg aku motivation.

Pernah.
Bila aku sekelumit pun tak teringat pada dia, dia hadir dalam mimpi.

Mimpi ni aku tak percaya sangat. Bahaya.
Syaitan tu ada je cara.
Tapi, mimpi2 dulu betul2 terasa nyata.

Wallahu.
Allah lebih tahu.
Dan bila terjaga? Maka? Cari tahu lah apa macam dia sekarang? Apakah perkembangan? Ada berita2 baik kah yang boleh aku tumpang syukur?

Selalu.
Ada ja.
Kan dah kata.
Orang hebat2 mana pergi ukir nama, bahas apa pun, bawa pulang piala.
Aku bangga.

Panjang kata,
Encik is Someone i look up to.
My idole.

Tak apa Encik rasa Encik tak layak, sebab ini hidup saya.

Saya cari sumber kekuatan dengan cara saya.
Tak kan salah percaturan Allah tu menemukan kita sebab sekarang saya tahu, kejayaan Encik ni betul2 membuka mata saya.

Semoga Encik sentiasa berada  di bawah lembayung Ar-Rahman Nur Rahim hendaknya.