#tilljannah ; young & pious

I watched astro oasis #tilljannah; young & pious where the master ceremony ask one of the panelist Diana Amir to advice the ypung generation. I am attracted to her answer which means the young generation have this habit of thinking they know everything and when their parents say no to something, they think the parents never understand them. We think we are young and we are good to go all the way but its definitely not a good way to go. Western propaganda such #YOLO you only live once, or do everything tonight are just as it means *PROPAGANDA*

When you young that is an advantage. When you have free time that is an advantage. When you are healthy that is a blessing. When you are still living that is a greater blessing. When you are rich that is another plus point. Basically, its 5 things before the other 5 things.

When you are young its not YOLO and clubbing and getting drunk. That is not living. That is not fun and life.

Imagine. You are young and have a lot free time, you're rich, healthy and living a good life. Now go book your plane ticket and go to Mecca, do your pilgrims and umroh. You may travel the whole world to Gaza, Palestine, Myanmar, Turkey, London and across the continents to meet people. To learn Islam in many ways. To understand your Creator. To search for His guidance. You have the ability to do that and it will be amazing for you to be kind and helping others in such great effort. In such big magnitude.
Wouldn't it be great?

At such young age, you will be able to collect so much good deeds and you have this passion and eagerness to do more and to give more to the people around you, around the world Masyallah. You'll be able to gain many experiences and meet many people and have vast contacts and the silaturrahim  ; the bond and relationship you created which if its good, would always return you benefits and helps.

Remember.
That 5 things before 5 things.
Remember.
That 5 things will come over too.
So before they come, do your best! Insyallah!

Ajar hati cintakan Rasulallah

Rasulallah SAW adalah kekasih Allah yang sangat agung imannya lagi begitu mulia akhlaknya. Kita wajib beriman pada Rasulallah dan para nabi dan rasul yang lainnya. *WAJIB*

Namun manusia zaman kini makin jauh pada Allah apatah lagi dengan Rasulallah. Kita kena betulkan ini.

Konsep Rasulallah adalah sesuai dengan setiap zaman pada setiap masa. Ianya sesuai pada zaman dulu, zaman kini dan selama-lamanya. Rasulallah dah tunjukkan hampir semua cara yang terbaik untuk melakukan sesuatu; cara solat, makan, minum, mandi, berkawan, bercakap, berbakti, bersedeqah, ketawa, mendidik anak, cara menegur dan banyak lagi. Rasulallah adalah orang yang ideal maka semuanya yang Baginda lakukan adalah yang ideal.

Tiada yang beribadat kepada Allah sesempurnanya ibadat Rasulallah. Tiada yang hatinya penuh dengan cinta sempurna macamana sempurnanya cinta Baginda kepada Allah. Rasulallah adalah hamba Allah yang paling layak kita contohi, paling layak bagi syurga, paling sesuai untuk jadi idola.

Macamana caranya kita nak jadi common dengan Rasulallah? Kita nak apa-apa je yang berlaku dalam hidup kita, kita nak biasakan diri dengan Rasulallah. Apa-apa keraguan kita dalam agama kita nak refer pada cara Rasulallah. Kita nak membudayakan cara Rasulallah supaya kita jadi macam Rasulallah. Tak banyak, sikit pun tak apa.

Apa yang kita tak nak ialah bila kita refer pada Rasulallah orang anggap kita alim ulama. Kita tak nak bila kita betulkan orang mengikut cara Rasulallah buat sesuatu orang anggap kita berlagak. Kita tak nak perkara tentang Rasulallah jadi penghalang sedangkan BUKANKAH RASULALLAH ITU MEMANG CONTOH TERBAIK SEPANJANG ZAMAN?

Bila kita tak membudayakan nilai-nilai Rasulallah dalam hidup masyarakat kini, Rasulallah akan jadi asing pada kita. Kita akan jadi tak biasa, tak suka pada benda yang betul. Sesuatu kebaikkan itu tak akan jadi budaya kalau masyarakat tak buat perkara itu secara besar-besaran dan dibiasakan.

Jadi nak jadikan akhlak Rasulallah sebagai budaya, sebagai benda yang tak asing bagi kita, kita kenalah kenal Rasulallah. Apa-apa kita sentiasa rujuk pada Rasulallah. Kalau orang buat salah, cakap baik-baik "Rasulallah tak buat macam ni."
"Rasulallah tak cakap macam ni kak."
"Rasulallah makan bukan begini caranya."
"Rasulallah berjalan bukan macam tu tapi macam ni.."

Cakap, elok-elok, sopan-sopan, lemah-lembut, santun. Barulah umat Rasulallah namanya. Barulah Rasulallah mengaku umat. Barulah benda baik itu tersebar dan dicontohi.

Jangan takut buat baik sebab memang akhir zaman orang tak suka kebaikkan, orang pelik dengan kebaikkan, orang lebih banyak ragu-ragu dengan kebaikkan tapi biarkan kejahatan berleluasa. Kejahatan, bila orang buat "alaah biasa la orang tu.." tapi kebaikkan bila kita buat "dah kenapa buat baik ni mesti ada apa-apa!"

Tapi jangan, JANGAN TAKUT. Sebab Allah tak mungkir janji. Janji Allah, manusia ni Allah ciptakan memang dasar hati itu memang cinta pada kebaikan. Memang lembut hati pada kebaikkan. Memang suka pada orang baik. Sejahat mana pun manusia itu dia tak kan dapat kawal hati dia sendiri bila orang buat baik pada dia. Dia tak kan dapat bertahan lama dengan kejahatan dan dia mesti akan terdorong pada kebaikan. Mesti. *MESTI*

Jadi biasakan sebut nama Rasulallah. Biasakan buat apa Rasulallah buat. Jangan membidaahkan amalan orang lain sebab kalau kita benar-benar ikut cara Rasulallah, Rasulallah tak pernah sakiti hati orang lain. Biasakan ikut cara Rasulallah. Biasakan beriman pada Allah macamana Rasulallah beriman pada Allah. Doa apa yang Rasulallah doa. Cakap macam mana Rasulallah cakap.

Insyallah, budaya baik ni dah pun digelombangkan semula di Malaysia sebab Islam tak kan terhapus dimuka bumi. Sejak dulu sampai sekarang cara Rasulallah survive semua peperangan, semua pertempuran, semua peredaran zaman, semua kerajaan barat dan timur, cara Rasulallah survive semua kehancuran dunia. Sebab apa? Sebab cara Baginda paling betul, paling tepat, paling mulia.

Cara Rasulallah adalah cara macamana Allah nak kita beriman pada-Nya. Maka Insyallah, marilah kita berubah dan cintailah kebaikkan sepertimana cara Rasulallah menghidupkan kebaikan  Insyallah.

MUSLIMS Bare minimum

WE ARE MUSLIMS.
We are good different from other religions. We must be extra better in deeds, extra good in knowledge, extra good in helping others and extra cautious in speech.
We must be that extra.

However, we still human after all. Our imaan may rise and drop suddenly. Like seasons, we change to adapt and the changes are all for the better lesson in this life. Even so, never make this as a reason to not pray, to be evil, to lie and to make sins intentionally.

When we don't feel a thing, a connection to our Creator, we know its a problematic situation. And all we ever want is to FIX IT QUICKLY! Never let this problem by itself because it never by itself- its with you. Its your souls, your emotion, its in your heart. Who else would solve this if its not your body? So do something and gear up. Push yourself. Don't be soo immerse in that despair that you let loose your imaan, hoping it will rise back by itself. Allah won't change the fate for people who don't want to change or don't want to work on themselves. Remember that!

So if you already practiced praying 5 times in a day, then when you have your pitfall, thats is your bare minimum. That is your least-your *AT LEAST* . Because that at least that you have been doing is the biggest ibadah that Allah look upon us. Prophet Muhammad pbuh said that if we leave our prayers we areno different than non believers and that we, already gave up on Islam, on Allah Mercy Masyallah !

If we used to read the quran everytime after prayers than even during the pitfall, that is our bare minimum! That we must do it nevertheless what we're feeling about it. We must keep doing so and its called istiqomah- the continuity of doing the ibadah in daily life.
Keep reading the Quran, keep praying 5 times a day, if you used to fasting on Monday and Thursday then keep doing so. Don't leave them! Don't skip them! That's your bare minimum you can do especially during this pitfall. Don't give up! Don't give up! Don't give up!

Bad habits

Bad habits are like subconscious mind. They just go along even when we don't realize it. We all have atleast one bad habits. At least.
Me? I have a lott.
Trying to change and gain better control of this ain't easy but all I want is this to over. For me to get over it. For me to leave these bad habits and move on with my life.

The worst thing of bad habits is it does what is does literally. Even when we don't mean it, even if we never intentionally want to do it, even if we try hard to avoid it (well try harder), even if we are in crowd or loved ones.

To snap these habits are fights too. It also a form of hijrah -a journey to Allah also a journey to be good person; a transition.
And the fact that hijrah is not always easy. Hijrah means to make you a better person in every aspect- upgrading ourselves to the new one. And for that you gonna go through tests. And this all means to let you start over even some start from the bottom, you'll gain the strength and source of acceptance and blessing from Allah dispersed throughout your entire life and the people in it. Hence, with the efforts you put in to your hijrah and if you do it seriously, honestly, and really really hoping for only Allah then rest assured, you'll never come back to the old habits Insyallah.

As far as I love to write and share, most of things written and said are all for myself. Its more like a monologue diary. So the bad habits I have are distracting me and controlling me most of the times, which I vow to myself to get this over as soon as possible.

Bad habits ain't fun. It ain't worth it. So here I am, wanting to change for better- for once and for good Insyallah.

Why we don't like death

Ever i wonder why would i contemplate too much about death?

After some reading, now i know why.

Human don't like death, departure and saying good bye to themselves or the people they love. Why?
Because we feel its against our nature. Its unbearable.

Why?
Because human are made to seek to the eternal. To seek for perfection. To seek for the ultimacy and honor that never fade. We,human, are made to find that everthing that last Forever.

We on Earth are simply temporary attachments to each other. Everything here is temporary adjustments for us. We dislike short term relationship with the people we like, we get frust on short vacation, we hate anger, we hate imperfection even we know its inevitible, we don't like it when we run out of money, we don't like it when good shows are over.
Why?

Because all the good things we feel; the relaxation during vacation, the laugh on funny movies, the fun, the smiles, the good food , good company and good shopping --they are NOT PARMANENT!
Instead, we are created to seek for parmanent. One pleasure that never die, never go away, and never end.

We hate temporarities because we used to be in Jannah, in Heaven where pleasures and funs are eternal and forever. Its the perfect!

When we are born to this world, thats why we try hard to make everything last forever and perfect. But, we can't. We just can't.

That's also why, we actually, with or without sense, are looking to God. Looking to Allah Taala. The Eternal, the One that never dies, the One that never leave, the One that always stay with us no matter what! That is Allah Taala.

During the apocalypse where all perished and become ashes, who will stay alive?
When everyone had left us, who will stay by ourside?
When everything is broken who will fix things right for us?
When no human can help us to save a life, who we turn to and seek help from?
Who will answer all our prayers in tears, in happiness, in sadness, in grieve, in silence, is it human?
No!
Its Allah.

So eiher we realize it or not we are actually looking for Allah The Only Eternal, the ONE THAT NEVER EVER IS AFFECTED BY ANYTHING.

So turn to Him. Turn to Allah.

I know we are still but stop now. Stop looking for parmanent in human creation. Stop looking for perfection from human. Stop asking honor and acceptance from human. Stop look for ultimate companion from other than Allah. Stop make human as priority whenever we seek for help.

If we want to feel the forever lasting of love and source of strength like we once feel in Jannah, then go back to Allah. Seek for Allah. Look for Allah. Begging for Allah forgiveness and mercy. Give everything you have to be close to Allah. Use all effort and make all sorts of good deeds to gain Allah love and blessing.

Then we will yearn the honor, the never ending love and companion from Allah Taala Insyallah.

Me, in prison

I'm eager to wait for this fight to end. Even the living will die some day so why would not this fight end some day right? Till that day comes, i need to remain faith to Allah and never give up my heart!

But i want to share about the 'attacks' i experienced. I never had them before this and this is new to me-very very abnormal, pain and deppressing. Believe it or not, i've been that girl whom so positive all around anything. But i know my sins and mistakes bit by bit falling off my guard and positivity so here i become, a prisoner in my own heart.

Its like my heart are arguing about what i want, what i know and learn, what i believe, what i know thats wrong, what i see even things 20 years ago coming flashing back, what i heard, what is logic and illogic about phrases in Quran, criticizing them, wanting to change them, slandering Allah, and even i don't know the real meaning of the sentences something inside me just soaked up the literal meaning and everything went wrong, they just twisting everything to blame Allah and says bad bad things to Allah, about Allah,  imagining and picturing things, prophets and others Islamic figure. The real deal of it is always lingers around Allah & Islam.

I don't feel this is normal. I don't feel this is the  normal wrongness. Its abnormal to me. I never ever want to think bad about Allah. Its me who did not understand the ayat and Quran so why would i slander Him for that? Its like i don't know myself anymore. Things i really did not say but i feel really guilty about it and make me feel as if i said those.

The truth come out to be shaytans are the culprit!
My real enemy forever!

I got way too tangled and confuse even about myself or what i've done. Its suffocating-really really suffocating , gasping for air at last minute. Its really painful, the unbearable pain i never feel in my entire life. When the attacks come it makes me feel unpurposely living, such a fit for hell, guaranteed hell, unforgiven and so far from good things.

When it comes i would just stand or sit or whatever i am during that time, and my mind blanks and i just breathe and listen to me saying Allah, many many times just to make myself convince i'm belong to Allah not other religion nor other beliefs.

It exactly like a prisoner trapped, tangled, glued and chained to my own dark heart. I feel as if cannot escape BUT ALLAH IS HERE WITH ME ALL THE TIME.

I literally told myself this will pass and when it does i will be okay again. Because it always pass and i'll be stable back. I tell myself that this will end, soon or later, i just have to work things in and out, give all imaan to Allah, patience patience patience, never leave the 5 compulsory prayers no matter how disconnected i feel to Allah. As about the non stop speaking heart, i say, heart do speak but action is everything. If they say that i want other religion but i really don't and i believe in Allah the Only God to be Worshipped and i still pray and read Quran and fast and take care my aurat, then cool down Ain cool down.

Its like bare minimum of what i can do now but as i'm writing this i thought that this isn't bare minimum at all. In fact its the truest truth that heart can be a place for shaytans but if i don't listen and i still pray and i know and i aware how important my 5 times daily prayers are, then that is matter! That is really important! That is the prove i believe in Allah Taala wholeheartedly even if i think i feel otherwise.

I bow down to Allah.
I sujood to Allah.
I rukuk to Allah.
I am truly afraid of hell.
I am scared of Allah.
I want to go to Jannah.
I scared of my own sins.
I disgusted with my own hearts.

So i know that i have feelings that these need to be relive back. These are the signs that it weren't completely gone. These mean i have my imaan to only Allah. And all shaytan did was to twist things around and make me feel how negative Islam was.

Isn't shaytan are promised to be good to make believers turn our from Allah? Only a few will remain loyal and faithful to Allah as shaytans promised to Allah.

And i think, if i don't believe Allah is existed why would shaytan still going after me? Right, so i know , all my hearts, every space it got, they're all belong to Allah as i am completely believe in Allah Taala.

Even this hurts so so badly and the attacks comes, i still have gaps where it stops sometimes and i feel slightly comfortable with myself, and i know that i don't need to completely ignore my heart because its mine! I will win my iwn heart, i will clean it, fill it with imaan through knowledge, i will wrap it and grow it nicely as a present for Allah. My heart is mine and my responsibility. Cannot give it away, cannot let it rottens and destroy. Told ya, its battling with myself to win myself back-my heart.

Allah, please have mercy on me. Increased my patience just like Prophet Muhammad pbuh did, please let me win this battle.

I'm all Yours. I want to come back to You.
Lailahailallah!

I'm going home, Allah. Please accept me.

Tonight, again, i shed tears during prayers in  silence at the corner of my bed. It was special night because after so long i feel disconnected with Allah, i actually regain the connection back Allahuakbar Alhamdulillah Lailahailallah!

I read through Yasmin Mogahed's articles and find exactly whats in my heart, what i've been through right now. I may also have found some answers.

I genuinely, sincerely want to give all up just to go back to Allah. To return to the real Islamic teachings, to go Home to Allah. I am nervous and have doubts too but my heart issues are bigger than my doubts and all i want right now is to go back to Allah!

This is awakening. After so long i got confuse on what is these things happens to me? Is it Allah punishment, is it because of all my sins, is it because Allah does not want me anymore, is that why i feel totally disconnected, is it Allah does not accept me? These are the things i used to believe until tonight i realize that this is all the Awakening.

Look at my "is it?" none of them are positive. None of them show me being good to Allah. None of it shows that i give good perception to Allah. Right. So now i know its all shaytan!

This is my pitfall and pit have rise too. I forgot that. I need to understand that imaan will go up and down even i don't realize it (like now, it happening to me). If imaan falls down even to the lowest point, it means to go back up and go back to Allah. If iman was too high and we feel so powerful and good enough, it means to go back down a bit and go back to Allah. Either way i was feeling, both means to go back to Allah. Its the call from Allah definitely.

Yes. It must have directly associated with our sins, our past, our mistakes or even if we don't do anything wrong, our imaan will still, always, rise and fall rise and fall. Its a cycle to make you feel and learn that at some points you're doing good and you must thank Allah Taala and at many points you're just the weakest on earth and must go back to Allah. You must.
Must!

When imaan is at the lowest shaytan will tells lies and make you feel you're the bad-est sinner ever existed on this world and that whatever you do or pray, you won't be forgiven. So you attempted to listen and started to careless on Allah commands. Big mistake! You might end up doing more sins and farther from Allah.
Remember! Even at the lowest imaan it still always mean to go back to Allah nonethelessly.

When imaan is at the highest you think or feel of, thank Allah. You are not doing more prayers or more fasting or more sedeqah than you usually do out of your own energy or ability. Its all Allah givings temporarily for you. Never think you are well enough on your own because we don't create ourselves so of course the strength too is not from ourselves. Remember that! And when you're at this stage, shaytan are also there to tell you that you are self sufficient, you don't need other people, you are better and we may end up being the worst loser and lost every good deeds we had done.
Even if imaan is at the highest, it also means to always go back to Allah so that we never ever forget that this will eventually go down and ask Allah to help us when the time comes.

See?
This is my awakening call i am surely sure Insyallah.
Even it starts off bad or good and how diferent i see this is, both ways, either way, it only means to go back to Allah Taala for He knows me the best and He is the only one that can forgive my sins and sustains me with all i need and grant me Jannah , Insyallah.