#tilljannah ; young & pious

I watched astro oasis #tilljannah; young & pious where the master ceremony ask one of the panelist Diana Amir to advice the ypung generation. I am attracted to her answer which means the young generation have this habit of thinking they know everything and when their parents say no to something, they think the parents never understand them. We think we are young and we are good to go all the way but its definitely not a good way to go. Western propaganda such #YOLO you only live once, or do everything tonight are just as it means *PROPAGANDA*

When you young that is an advantage. When you have free time that is an advantage. When you are healthy that is a blessing. When you are still living that is a greater blessing. When you are rich that is another plus point. Basically, its 5 things before the other 5 things.

When you are young its not YOLO and clubbing and getting drunk. That is not living. That is not fun and life.

Imagine. You are young and have a lot free time, you're rich, healthy and living a good life. Now go book your plane ticket and go to Mecca, do your pilgrims and umroh. You may travel the whole world to Gaza, Palestine, Myanmar, Turkey, London and across the continents to meet people. To learn Islam in many ways. To understand your Creator. To search for His guidance. You have the ability to do that and it will be amazing for you to be kind and helping others in such great effort. In such big magnitude.
Wouldn't it be great?

At such young age, you will be able to collect so much good deeds and you have this passion and eagerness to do more and to give more to the people around you, around the world Masyallah. You'll be able to gain many experiences and meet many people and have vast contacts and the silaturrahim  ; the bond and relationship you created which if its good, would always return you benefits and helps.

Remember.
That 5 things before 5 things.
Remember.
That 5 things will come over too.
So before they come, do your best! Insyallah!

Ajar hati cintakan Rasulallah

Rasulallah SAW adalah kekasih Allah yang sangat agung imannya lagi begitu mulia akhlaknya. Kita wajib beriman pada Rasulallah dan para nabi dan rasul yang lainnya. *WAJIB*

Namun manusia zaman kini makin jauh pada Allah apatah lagi dengan Rasulallah. Kita kena betulkan ini.

Konsep Rasulallah adalah sesuai dengan setiap zaman pada setiap masa. Ianya sesuai pada zaman dulu, zaman kini dan selama-lamanya. Rasulallah dah tunjukkan hampir semua cara yang terbaik untuk melakukan sesuatu; cara solat, makan, minum, mandi, berkawan, bercakap, berbakti, bersedeqah, ketawa, mendidik anak, cara menegur dan banyak lagi. Rasulallah adalah orang yang ideal maka semuanya yang Baginda lakukan adalah yang ideal.

Tiada yang beribadat kepada Allah sesempurnanya ibadat Rasulallah. Tiada yang hatinya penuh dengan cinta sempurna macamana sempurnanya cinta Baginda kepada Allah. Rasulallah adalah hamba Allah yang paling layak kita contohi, paling layak bagi syurga, paling sesuai untuk jadi idola.

Macamana caranya kita nak jadi common dengan Rasulallah? Kita nak apa-apa je yang berlaku dalam hidup kita, kita nak biasakan diri dengan Rasulallah. Apa-apa keraguan kita dalam agama kita nak refer pada cara Rasulallah. Kita nak membudayakan cara Rasulallah supaya kita jadi macam Rasulallah. Tak banyak, sikit pun tak apa.

Apa yang kita tak nak ialah bila kita refer pada Rasulallah orang anggap kita alim ulama. Kita tak nak bila kita betulkan orang mengikut cara Rasulallah buat sesuatu orang anggap kita berlagak. Kita tak nak perkara tentang Rasulallah jadi penghalang sedangkan BUKANKAH RASULALLAH ITU MEMANG CONTOH TERBAIK SEPANJANG ZAMAN?

Bila kita tak membudayakan nilai-nilai Rasulallah dalam hidup masyarakat kini, Rasulallah akan jadi asing pada kita. Kita akan jadi tak biasa, tak suka pada benda yang betul. Sesuatu kebaikkan itu tak akan jadi budaya kalau masyarakat tak buat perkara itu secara besar-besaran dan dibiasakan.

Jadi nak jadikan akhlak Rasulallah sebagai budaya, sebagai benda yang tak asing bagi kita, kita kenalah kenal Rasulallah. Apa-apa kita sentiasa rujuk pada Rasulallah. Kalau orang buat salah, cakap baik-baik "Rasulallah tak buat macam ni."
"Rasulallah tak cakap macam ni kak."
"Rasulallah makan bukan begini caranya."
"Rasulallah berjalan bukan macam tu tapi macam ni.."

Cakap, elok-elok, sopan-sopan, lemah-lembut, santun. Barulah umat Rasulallah namanya. Barulah Rasulallah mengaku umat. Barulah benda baik itu tersebar dan dicontohi.

Jangan takut buat baik sebab memang akhir zaman orang tak suka kebaikkan, orang pelik dengan kebaikkan, orang lebih banyak ragu-ragu dengan kebaikkan tapi biarkan kejahatan berleluasa. Kejahatan, bila orang buat "alaah biasa la orang tu.." tapi kebaikkan bila kita buat "dah kenapa buat baik ni mesti ada apa-apa!"

Tapi jangan, JANGAN TAKUT. Sebab Allah tak mungkir janji. Janji Allah, manusia ni Allah ciptakan memang dasar hati itu memang cinta pada kebaikan. Memang lembut hati pada kebaikkan. Memang suka pada orang baik. Sejahat mana pun manusia itu dia tak kan dapat kawal hati dia sendiri bila orang buat baik pada dia. Dia tak kan dapat bertahan lama dengan kejahatan dan dia mesti akan terdorong pada kebaikan. Mesti. *MESTI*

Jadi biasakan sebut nama Rasulallah. Biasakan buat apa Rasulallah buat. Jangan membidaahkan amalan orang lain sebab kalau kita benar-benar ikut cara Rasulallah, Rasulallah tak pernah sakiti hati orang lain. Biasakan ikut cara Rasulallah. Biasakan beriman pada Allah macamana Rasulallah beriman pada Allah. Doa apa yang Rasulallah doa. Cakap macam mana Rasulallah cakap.

Insyallah, budaya baik ni dah pun digelombangkan semula di Malaysia sebab Islam tak kan terhapus dimuka bumi. Sejak dulu sampai sekarang cara Rasulallah survive semua peperangan, semua pertempuran, semua peredaran zaman, semua kerajaan barat dan timur, cara Rasulallah survive semua kehancuran dunia. Sebab apa? Sebab cara Baginda paling betul, paling tepat, paling mulia.

Cara Rasulallah adalah cara macamana Allah nak kita beriman pada-Nya. Maka Insyallah, marilah kita berubah dan cintailah kebaikkan sepertimana cara Rasulallah menghidupkan kebaikan  Insyallah.

MUSLIMS Bare minimum

WE ARE MUSLIMS.
We are good different from other religions. We must be extra better in deeds, extra good in knowledge, extra good in helping others and extra cautious in speech.
We must be that extra.

However, we still human after all. Our imaan may rise and drop suddenly. Like seasons, we change to adapt and the changes are all for the better lesson in this life. Even so, never make this as a reason to not pray, to be evil, to lie and to make sins intentionally.

When we don't feel a thing, a connection to our Creator, we know its a problematic situation. And all we ever want is to FIX IT QUICKLY! Never let this problem by itself because it never by itself- its with you. Its your souls, your emotion, its in your heart. Who else would solve this if its not your body? So do something and gear up. Push yourself. Don't be soo immerse in that despair that you let loose your imaan, hoping it will rise back by itself. Allah won't change the fate for people who don't want to change or don't want to work on themselves. Remember that!

So if you already practiced praying 5 times in a day, then when you have your pitfall, thats is your bare minimum. That is your least-your *AT LEAST* . Because that at least that you have been doing is the biggest ibadah that Allah look upon us. Prophet Muhammad pbuh said that if we leave our prayers we areno different than non believers and that we, already gave up on Islam, on Allah Mercy Masyallah !

If we used to read the quran everytime after prayers than even during the pitfall, that is our bare minimum! That we must do it nevertheless what we're feeling about it. We must keep doing so and its called istiqomah- the continuity of doing the ibadah in daily life.
Keep reading the Quran, keep praying 5 times a day, if you used to fasting on Monday and Thursday then keep doing so. Don't leave them! Don't skip them! That's your bare minimum you can do especially during this pitfall. Don't give up! Don't give up! Don't give up!

Bad habits

Bad habits are like subconscious mind. They just go along even when we don't realize it. We all have atleast one bad habits. At least.
Me? I have a lott.
Trying to change and gain better control of this ain't easy but all I want is this to over. For me to get over it. For me to leave these bad habits and move on with my life.

The worst thing of bad habits is it does what is does literally. Even when we don't mean it, even if we never intentionally want to do it, even if we try hard to avoid it (well try harder), even if we are in crowd or loved ones.

To snap these habits are fights too. It also a form of hijrah -a journey to Allah also a journey to be good person; a transition.
And the fact that hijrah is not always easy. Hijrah means to make you a better person in every aspect- upgrading ourselves to the new one. And for that you gonna go through tests. And this all means to let you start over even some start from the bottom, you'll gain the strength and source of acceptance and blessing from Allah dispersed throughout your entire life and the people in it. Hence, with the efforts you put in to your hijrah and if you do it seriously, honestly, and really really hoping for only Allah then rest assured, you'll never come back to the old habits Insyallah.

As far as I love to write and share, most of things written and said are all for myself. Its more like a monologue diary. So the bad habits I have are distracting me and controlling me most of the times, which I vow to myself to get this over as soon as possible.

Bad habits ain't fun. It ain't worth it. So here I am, wanting to change for better- for once and for good Insyallah.

Why we don't like death

Ever i wonder why would i contemplate too much about death?

After some reading, now i know why.

Human don't like death, departure and saying good bye to themselves or the people they love. Why?
Because we feel its against our nature. Its unbearable.

Why?
Because human are made to seek to the eternal. To seek for perfection. To seek for the ultimacy and honor that never fade. We,human, are made to find that everthing that last Forever.

We on Earth are simply temporary attachments to each other. Everything here is temporary adjustments for us. We dislike short term relationship with the people we like, we get frust on short vacation, we hate anger, we hate imperfection even we know its inevitible, we don't like it when we run out of money, we don't like it when good shows are over.
Why?

Because all the good things we feel; the relaxation during vacation, the laugh on funny movies, the fun, the smiles, the good food , good company and good shopping --they are NOT PARMANENT!
Instead, we are created to seek for parmanent. One pleasure that never die, never go away, and never end.

We hate temporarities because we used to be in Jannah, in Heaven where pleasures and funs are eternal and forever. Its the perfect!

When we are born to this world, thats why we try hard to make everything last forever and perfect. But, we can't. We just can't.

That's also why, we actually, with or without sense, are looking to God. Looking to Allah Taala. The Eternal, the One that never dies, the One that never leave, the One that always stay with us no matter what! That is Allah Taala.

During the apocalypse where all perished and become ashes, who will stay alive?
When everyone had left us, who will stay by ourside?
When everything is broken who will fix things right for us?
When no human can help us to save a life, who we turn to and seek help from?
Who will answer all our prayers in tears, in happiness, in sadness, in grieve, in silence, is it human?
No!
Its Allah.

So eiher we realize it or not we are actually looking for Allah The Only Eternal, the ONE THAT NEVER EVER IS AFFECTED BY ANYTHING.

So turn to Him. Turn to Allah.

I know we are still but stop now. Stop looking for parmanent in human creation. Stop looking for perfection from human. Stop asking honor and acceptance from human. Stop look for ultimate companion from other than Allah. Stop make human as priority whenever we seek for help.

If we want to feel the forever lasting of love and source of strength like we once feel in Jannah, then go back to Allah. Seek for Allah. Look for Allah. Begging for Allah forgiveness and mercy. Give everything you have to be close to Allah. Use all effort and make all sorts of good deeds to gain Allah love and blessing.

Then we will yearn the honor, the never ending love and companion from Allah Taala Insyallah.

Me, in prison

I'm eager to wait for this fight to end. Even the living will die some day so why would not this fight end some day right? Till that day comes, i need to remain faith to Allah and never give up my heart!

But i want to share about the 'attacks' i experienced. I never had them before this and this is new to me-very very abnormal, pain and deppressing. Believe it or not, i've been that girl whom so positive all around anything. But i know my sins and mistakes bit by bit falling off my guard and positivity so here i become, a prisoner in my own heart.

Its like my heart are arguing about what i want, what i know and learn, what i believe, what i know thats wrong, what i see even things 20 years ago coming flashing back, what i heard, what is logic and illogic about phrases in Quran, criticizing them, wanting to change them, slandering Allah, and even i don't know the real meaning of the sentences something inside me just soaked up the literal meaning and everything went wrong, they just twisting everything to blame Allah and says bad bad things to Allah, about Allah,  imagining and picturing things, prophets and others Islamic figure. The real deal of it is always lingers around Allah & Islam.

I don't feel this is normal. I don't feel this is the  normal wrongness. Its abnormal to me. I never ever want to think bad about Allah. Its me who did not understand the ayat and Quran so why would i slander Him for that? Its like i don't know myself anymore. Things i really did not say but i feel really guilty about it and make me feel as if i said those.

The truth come out to be shaytans are the culprit!
My real enemy forever!

I got way too tangled and confuse even about myself or what i've done. Its suffocating-really really suffocating , gasping for air at last minute. Its really painful, the unbearable pain i never feel in my entire life. When the attacks come it makes me feel unpurposely living, such a fit for hell, guaranteed hell, unforgiven and so far from good things.

When it comes i would just stand or sit or whatever i am during that time, and my mind blanks and i just breathe and listen to me saying Allah, many many times just to make myself convince i'm belong to Allah not other religion nor other beliefs.

It exactly like a prisoner trapped, tangled, glued and chained to my own dark heart. I feel as if cannot escape BUT ALLAH IS HERE WITH ME ALL THE TIME.

I literally told myself this will pass and when it does i will be okay again. Because it always pass and i'll be stable back. I tell myself that this will end, soon or later, i just have to work things in and out, give all imaan to Allah, patience patience patience, never leave the 5 compulsory prayers no matter how disconnected i feel to Allah. As about the non stop speaking heart, i say, heart do speak but action is everything. If they say that i want other religion but i really don't and i believe in Allah the Only God to be Worshipped and i still pray and read Quran and fast and take care my aurat, then cool down Ain cool down.

Its like bare minimum of what i can do now but as i'm writing this i thought that this isn't bare minimum at all. In fact its the truest truth that heart can be a place for shaytans but if i don't listen and i still pray and i know and i aware how important my 5 times daily prayers are, then that is matter! That is really important! That is the prove i believe in Allah Taala wholeheartedly even if i think i feel otherwise.

I bow down to Allah.
I sujood to Allah.
I rukuk to Allah.
I am truly afraid of hell.
I am scared of Allah.
I want to go to Jannah.
I scared of my own sins.
I disgusted with my own hearts.

So i know that i have feelings that these need to be relive back. These are the signs that it weren't completely gone. These mean i have my imaan to only Allah. And all shaytan did was to twist things around and make me feel how negative Islam was.

Isn't shaytan are promised to be good to make believers turn our from Allah? Only a few will remain loyal and faithful to Allah as shaytans promised to Allah.

And i think, if i don't believe Allah is existed why would shaytan still going after me? Right, so i know , all my hearts, every space it got, they're all belong to Allah as i am completely believe in Allah Taala.

Even this hurts so so badly and the attacks comes, i still have gaps where it stops sometimes and i feel slightly comfortable with myself, and i know that i don't need to completely ignore my heart because its mine! I will win my iwn heart, i will clean it, fill it with imaan through knowledge, i will wrap it and grow it nicely as a present for Allah. My heart is mine and my responsibility. Cannot give it away, cannot let it rottens and destroy. Told ya, its battling with myself to win myself back-my heart.

Allah, please have mercy on me. Increased my patience just like Prophet Muhammad pbuh did, please let me win this battle.

I'm all Yours. I want to come back to You.
Lailahailallah!

I'm going home, Allah. Please accept me.

Tonight, again, i shed tears during prayers in  silence at the corner of my bed. It was special night because after so long i feel disconnected with Allah, i actually regain the connection back Allahuakbar Alhamdulillah Lailahailallah!

I read through Yasmin Mogahed's articles and find exactly whats in my heart, what i've been through right now. I may also have found some answers.

I genuinely, sincerely want to give all up just to go back to Allah. To return to the real Islamic teachings, to go Home to Allah. I am nervous and have doubts too but my heart issues are bigger than my doubts and all i want right now is to go back to Allah!

This is awakening. After so long i got confuse on what is these things happens to me? Is it Allah punishment, is it because of all my sins, is it because Allah does not want me anymore, is that why i feel totally disconnected, is it Allah does not accept me? These are the things i used to believe until tonight i realize that this is all the Awakening.

Look at my "is it?" none of them are positive. None of them show me being good to Allah. None of it shows that i give good perception to Allah. Right. So now i know its all shaytan!

This is my pitfall and pit have rise too. I forgot that. I need to understand that imaan will go up and down even i don't realize it (like now, it happening to me). If imaan falls down even to the lowest point, it means to go back up and go back to Allah. If iman was too high and we feel so powerful and good enough, it means to go back down a bit and go back to Allah. Either way i was feeling, both means to go back to Allah. Its the call from Allah definitely.

Yes. It must have directly associated with our sins, our past, our mistakes or even if we don't do anything wrong, our imaan will still, always, rise and fall rise and fall. Its a cycle to make you feel and learn that at some points you're doing good and you must thank Allah Taala and at many points you're just the weakest on earth and must go back to Allah. You must.
Must!

When imaan is at the lowest shaytan will tells lies and make you feel you're the bad-est sinner ever existed on this world and that whatever you do or pray, you won't be forgiven. So you attempted to listen and started to careless on Allah commands. Big mistake! You might end up doing more sins and farther from Allah.
Remember! Even at the lowest imaan it still always mean to go back to Allah nonethelessly.

When imaan is at the highest you think or feel of, thank Allah. You are not doing more prayers or more fasting or more sedeqah than you usually do out of your own energy or ability. Its all Allah givings temporarily for you. Never think you are well enough on your own because we don't create ourselves so of course the strength too is not from ourselves. Remember that! And when you're at this stage, shaytan are also there to tell you that you are self sufficient, you don't need other people, you are better and we may end up being the worst loser and lost every good deeds we had done.
Even if imaan is at the highest, it also means to always go back to Allah so that we never ever forget that this will eventually go down and ask Allah to help us when the time comes.

See?
This is my awakening call i am surely sure Insyallah.
Even it starts off bad or good and how diferent i see this is, both ways, either way, it only means to go back to Allah Taala for He knows me the best and He is the only one that can forgive my sins and sustains me with all i need and grant me Jannah , Insyallah.

Ain: In Quest to Find Allah

Hye my name is Ain (means eyes in Arabic). I was born a Muslim and i want it to remain that way until the end of my life.

But to be a faithful Muslim is hard because i always make mistakes. Assuming human are all like that, i don't like allowing myself to do sins again and over again. To be frank, the sins i've got in hands now are unbearable anymore. The whole times i remember my mistakes i just feel don't want to live anymore. But i also not ready to die. Because i have a lot of sins to repent to. So i think, why would i wish to die and meet Allah with all my sins? Allah never ask me to die whenever i remember my past mistakes. What Allah teaches me to do is to repent and repent everytime we do sins. See? I completely think the opposite.

Islam is not a religion of you-sin-you-die. Islam, through Allah by His Massenger Prophet Muhammad, teaches us that Islam is the only religion where you-sin-you-go-repent for Allah will surely forgive you. Allah is The Most Forgiving remember that!

So i talk to myself a lot, that this is not the way. Islam is not hard. Allah never ask me to do hard things in hard ways. Prophet Muhammad pbuh never teach me bad lessons. So where all this bad ideas coming from?

Shaytanirrajim. None others.
Even i feel like it comes from my heart and mind, tell ya its not me. Its shaytans' whispers, poking your faith to do many things that completely opposite from the truth.

I went through up and down just like everybody else just that my real fights have always been about me, with myself, on my faith, in my heart. Silent killer. I need to convince myself my religion is the only religion that is true and holy. And its hard to pace things on constant speed all the time. So i give excuses everytime i have bad imagination, wrong perception and fantasies and heart crossing that eventually im out of excuses. Which i know i will do. So when the excuses run out, i say hey this is not saving myself. This is not becoming better. This is escaping. Not being responsible enough to your faith. Not being responsible in getting to know Islam the way it is and not giving excuses to myself! So i thought, thats it! This has to stop NOW.

It hurts me so bad that it affect my activity, my mood, diet and way of thinking. Basically, its like cancer spreading and i have to fight harder everytime when the past wounds have not healed yet.
Its tiring.
Its really really tiring.

But i've been there--became a better Muslimah, where you feel the sweetness of imaan, the blessing of friendships in Islam, the mercy and grace of Allah, infact i even got my prayers answered right after i pray silently in my heart in crowd!

So, like i say; been there, feel it, through it. And i never want to stop tasting the sweetness of Islam the way it changes my life 360° to the best!

So i never ever want to give up. Because i know Allah just want our hearts. Nothing else. And because i know the only bet on this fight is my heart. So hell no im giving up, giving away my faith to other than Allah Taala!

So the fights continues, till now, it never stops and i feel like developing disorders. Its serious to an extent i just cancel everything when my heart feels so downnnnnnnnn excruciatingly downnn. This is where i call "the attacks" come. It hurts right in the core,deep down in heart, blocking every rational thoughts to stay alive, exactly like my heart is about to explode.
Every second passes i ask myself what is that i'm having right now?

Panic attack?

It slowly develop deppressions and i just cannot handle things anymore. I feel so guilty about my heart, thinking and minds that i pray to Allah to give me a new heart. But then i think, everyone gets one heart one soul. If you don't like or don't want your own heart you cannot replace it nor get new one. You can only cleanse it and fill it with knowledge and repent. Thats how you get to feel "new heart".

Hearts blackens overtime due to endless sins we did. Guess mine is critical among others. Of course i'm not killing or what but the heart crimes i did were far beyond imagination. I apologise Allah. I am sorry.

So what i do is utilising the data i got, and look for reading materials online. I prefer Yasmin Mogahed's blog. Its just like shots i need to regain and reclaim my heart. Of course Quran is my main medication but a lot of the meaning in Quran needs explicit explanation from the good teachers,which i don't have anyone yet for now. (But really looking forward to have classes very soon!)

Rather than saddening and comtemplating on  this test, i must cure myself! Find ways to heal this! To get better! To be healthy! Above all,to cleanse my heart and return to Allah with clean heart and soul Insyallah.

I realize that i don't need funny videos merely to get me distracted from this faith illness. Thats just another escaping, Ain!

I need knowledge!
I need to know Islam!
I need to learn the Quran!
I need to learn the Usuluddin!
I need to learn the Qiraat!
I need to learn why Allah is unseen.
I need knowledge on why i pray, why my heart speaks on its own, and against my will.

I need knowledge.

So Alhamdulillah, im everybit delighted tonight because i finally regain some insights on what i truly need, what i truly feel and what i truly believe.
I just need to read and attend classes. And learn to know Allah Taala.

I have many questions about my own faith and not being understand on why you pray, fast, why heart speaks, why Quran states this or that, and me giving excuses to myself all this while--its just sickening to not to know why you do these sacred ibadah.

So i don't want my excuses anymore. I want the true facts! I don't want those excuses that holds me okay just for seconds because the other way around, the same question pops up and i have no more excuses. Plus i remember the questions i asked  to myself and i don't like it that way. I hateeee it to think that Islam is bad because me myself is a Muslim and i never been any happier than being one Alhamdulillah!!

So which part of me is saying and denying God and His existence and all those bad things going around my heart and thoughts?!

I need to mend my heart and soul. I need the experts on heart and faith issues. I need those doctors that can answers my question.

On good sides i look this as a bigger turning points so i never going back to the old me. In my quest to search for Allah, i'm willing to sacrifice everything Insyallah! This heart needs repair and touch ups!

I don't want to come to Allah in Judgement Day wih empty handed and empty hearted, with few good deeds.

Thats not the Thereafter i want to be in.
In quest to find Allah, i feel how it feels like to be disconnected to Allah and how miserably my life and emotions have been!
Nothing ever right! I cried , i deppresed, i got the disorders- excruciating critically deeply in pain and unbearable.

In quest to find Allah,i'm willing to start over with little knowledge i know about Islam and learn,back to basic about what Islam is.

Allah  i'm coming to you. Thank you for bearing with me all this time and forgives all my sins and answers all my prayers.

Ya Allah, i'm coming to you. Please ease my way, please give me good end, please blessed my studies to get to know you, please have mercy on me, please blessed my knowledge on You and Islam and make me closer to you with it.

I submit my self to you completely in this journey as i'm coming back to you. To Home.

Insyallah.
Amin.

Kiddos nowadays =_=

I wished the little kiddos nowadays have little sisters and brothers a lot so they know that raising another human under their responsibility is super hard. My lil sis also, she's one tough girl, so hard headed and never want to listen to me. I had lots of troubling time raising her and I just don't like it this way.
I mean I love her of course but if only she realizes how bad she's behaving to me right now then she might know how hurt it is to be treated like not important. Maybe its the last child syndrome but with extra shots of technologies and maturity, kids nowadays are no kidding hard to handle. Oh beside super lazy as well.

I lost word to say to her and she did not respect people the way she must! I hate that attitude and swear to change her bad habit before that habit bites her back when she grows up. Its so frustating and saddening. If we call her name she answers but often than not she just discard the call and treat you like not important to attend to. Ya Allah. I feel like blowing out this madness but yeah, kids don't learn through anger. Wasted.

Also this remind me on how hard it must have been for my older sister too to have me but way better, we are way better than this, and shes way better than me, and shes way better taking care of me. Its not snobbing but even my mother told me than we were not this hard to handle.I guess, modern world definitely changing the IQ and EQ of the newborn children in this milennium.

Till then, lets get this girl right! Which she never attend to me since I called her for the last 15 minutes ago =_=

Unseen God

Allah is unseen but He can be felt His presence. Many people sometimes left wondering and confuse about Islam.

---

Why Allah is cannot be seen?
To put into simple words, we are not that great yet to see Allah. And unseen does not mean not existing.

Lets make it clearer.
We can feel pain,but what is the real shape of the pain itself? We can feel happy but what is the true mass of happiness? We can feel love but what is the size of love to say that we love someone so much?

We cannot explain it right?
But we are surely sure that pain,love and happiness are real. Why? Because we all feel it! We know its real because we "seen" them, been there. How? Through actions. Through emotions. We buy gifts to the people we love to show our love. We buy super expensive gifts to show how much we love that person. And we all know that its not the gifts really matters because the values of money, hardworks, sacrifices we gone through to get something done for that person are actually the overwhelming part in showing love to people. Many people will be happy with gifts but the truth is the gestures, the little little things like saying wishes, remembering the special dates that what makes love a real love.

But to really wrap up the "love" itself, how? We cannot even see it mass.

So if something that spritual is an invisible mass, that does not mean that its not real.
Just because Allah is not seen to our naked eyes (same like love & pain) that does not mean that Allah is not there, is not real.
Does not mean that we cannot feel Allah presence.

The concept is same like love. When we love someone, we show gratitudes to them. We buy expensive gifts, make surprise, we protect them, giving them whatever ours, we pay things for them, we prepare the best for them, we basically want to do everything the best for them right?

Allah loved us so so so much. That, He sent Prophets to us so we don't live without directions, He sent us Quran so we know how to rule the world and ourselves, He gives us fresh air when He can easily make air out of CO2 but He knows we cannot breath in CO2, and oxygen is the best for us, He pours down fresh tasteless rain from skies for us to drink because He knows we would die without water and our blood is only natural with fresh water (He can easily make rain drops as salt water like  the sea but He does not because He wants the best for His servants), Allah gives us winds so not only one part on Earth can have the rain so we all can have water sources equally, Allah lets us have mines, coals, and other minerals so we can create things and tools with them for shelter and more. Allah creates trees because He knows we breathe out acidic and we cannot produce oxygen ourselves nor we can process carbon dioxide by ourselves.

Instead of creating things against something that in unnature for human being to survive, Allah makes everything so easy for us, so natural, and free. He can make it hard for us to live but Allah doesn't. Why?

Because Allah loves us!
That the proves of Allah mercy's and loves to us. Don't argue about not seeing God in shapes and all because all this while we believe that love is real by just feeling them and show them through actions. Now when we cannot feel Allah but Allah has shown us all His loves and endless cares to us by providing us with so many, we want to say that He isn't real?? Really human?

Don't be ungrateful.
We failed to 'feel' Allah, its our faults. Its because we don't know Him and Islam so well. We don't and refuse to learn His sentences. Its because we are too busy looking for wealth without looking for Him. Its because, we always ask and ask for more and more but we never give or we give too little. Its because when we are doing good and healthy we get overly confident that nothing can break us down. Now that when we in hardships and sickness, we turn to Him in despair. We failed to 'see' Allah because we are overly attached to this world that we don't think about our future in graves. Just because we see that we have too many to achieve and expectations, we always dismiss the REAL PURPOSES OF LIVING AS MUSLIMS.
Now we know why we never feel Allah or able to 'see' Him even He is nearer to us than we with our own veins.

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Human, Allah has given everything the best just to provide the best surrounding and material for His servants to live. And all we do is sin, sin, sin. We missed prayers and we're still okay. We don't fast during Ramadhan and we still think we're okay. We don't pay Zakat and we think we're saving money. We badmouthed people and we always think we're noble. We don't feed the poor, we don't sedeqah to the needy yet we think we're already an exemplary figure. We rarely read and study the Quran but we think we are fit for heaven.

Human, it is written in Quran that we are always rush. Rushing is us.
We always rush in thinking and overestimate our deeds and think we are good to go. But don't we know that the moment we overestimate our deeds, the deeds are already gone? And everytime we be like that we always going back to zero.
Now we're even poorer than the people on streets.

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Mashallah.

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Allah has everything in His hands. Everything we know or we don't know is His possessions. We literally own nothing. Not even ourself. If we think we own our bodies, then why the deads cannot make themselves alives back? Because they're dead and 'something' else is holding their lives. And that 'something' is Allah.
Simple right.
We don't own anything, Allah owns everything and we are still such the ungrateful.

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So lets repent.

That kind of repent where we never want to go back to the old bad ungrateful us. The kind of repent when we simply feel contented and satisfied with so little of what we need / have yet we never starve nor greedy for more.

Taubat Nasuha, as we called it.

Even we are busy chasing dreams and fulfilling expectations, juggling works between prayers times, traveling across continents for business, teach our hearts that we never ever forget the real business with Him. The business deal when we signed the agreement in Heaven before we were born, that we will become obedient servants for Allah and listen to all His commands without excuse.

Hearts can be a place for setans to whisper us to evil but prayers we perform can simply shelter us from doing evils. We can ward off evilness through reading and studying the Quran, take the lessons learnt, the values taught, following the Prophets leads and exemplary personalities, do good deeds, and zikr.

Little that we know Allah never wants any wealth we have or anything we worked on. He just want our hearts that's occupied by His Glory Names, by kindness, by sincerity in ibadah and fill it with remembrance of Him in whatever we do.

All that 'little things' we seen it as, but thats all the big big things Allah looked at in ourselves.

May Allah accepts our prayers and repents and grant us Jannah Insyallah.

Bad at putting things into words

I am among those that are bad putting things into words. Most of the times, i was not even that bad but what slips from my tongue is unforgivable-yes! even i think it so. I did not mean to say things the way it slipped but in that fast paced thinking process everything just went out. Sometimes its the literal meaning but people take it wrong. I mean the other way around, but people think the other way around and no one gonna take me around. Everything just wrong!

But then hey, i think, Allah is never wrong. When Allah put me in that situation, He is never wrong. Its just me whom gelojoh to say things and i am wrong for saying things turn to be quite badly. So definitely Allah wants me to learn something from here.

With Allah, its always good things happen. No matter if its looks bad for us, try to remind back what we have done in our past, its surely related to whatever situation we are in right now.

So never ever blame Allah. Allah is strong and we are weak. Allah gives us everything and we don't have to pay them. Allah pours tasteless rain for us and Earth instead of salty water. Allah soften the steel so we can shape them and use them. So many things Allah has given and we want to blame Allah? Just who are we to blame Allah for our mistakes?

Masyallah.

May Allah forgives all our mistakes and grant us Jannah Insyallah.

Pendosa zaman Rasulallah & Pendosa umat Rasulallah

Pendosa zaman Rasulallah banyaknya memusuhi Islam. Ada yang kafir, munafik, kufur nikmat dan semua penuh kepura-puraan.

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Mereka membisikkan kata-kata kejahatan dan maksiat kepada Rasul-rasul, kemudian memberi salam dengan salam yang bukan diajarkan Allah lalu berkata "Mengapa Allah tidak menghukum kita atas apa yang telah kita cakapkan tadi?"

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Sungguh, Neraka Jahannam adalah seburuk-buruk tempat kembali. Jika bukan kerana telah ada batas waktu yang ditetapkan Allah kepada tiap-tiap hamba-Nya sudah tentu hukuman mereka dilaksanakan pada masa itu juga namun Allah Lagi Maha Mengetahui lagi Maha Pengampun.

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Kalaulah kita yang berada dalam situasi begitu cuma bezanya zaman sekarang, sudah tentu hancur bumi ini dengan dosa kita yang tak sudah. Sekali berbuat dosa, terus dihukum Allah. Sekali melawan mak, terus kena hentam. Dah confirm semua orang beriman dengan Allah tanpa berbahas apa pun.Tapi Allah bukanlah begitu. Ada pendosa yang Allah balas dosa right away tapi banyak yang Allah tangguh waktu kerana Allah lagi Maha Tahu keadaan hamba-hamba-Nya.

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Kita kena sedar kita ni memang melakukan dosa non-stop selagi kita hidup. Jadi ambillah pengajaran dari dosa-dosa kita sendiri untuk kembali ke pangkal jalan.

Jangan nanti sudah diusung baru nak terngadah.

Bacalah Al-Quran kerana didalamnya ada semua pedoman hidup dan guidelines dari kisah-kisah terdahulu yang sama macam kita. Baik buruknya lebih kurang sama macam kita.

Bacalah Quran dan ambillah kata-kata taubat para Nabi dan Rasul dan amalkanlah dalam penghijrahan kita ni. Walau Allah mungkin belum lagi balas dosa kita right away tak kan lah nak menunggu hukuman Allah tanpa taubat? USAHALAH BERTAUBAT!

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Tangguh waktu yang Allah bagi adalah untuk bertaubat. Untuk berhenti melakukan dosa dan kejahatan, untuk kembali kepada jalan Allah, untuk mengenal kebesaran-Nya dan merebut keampunan-Nya. Bukan lagi banyak mengumpul dosa!

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Sekalipun masa berbaki sikit atau banyak, ajal bukan benda main-main. Betapa ramai orang dalam kubur merayu nak dihidupkan kembali ke dunia meskipun sesaat sahaja. Sesaat? Apa nak dibuat dalam sesaat? Tapi lihatlah! Terdesaknya pendosa-dosa lampau, helpless.
Tapi dah dalam sana, no turning back anymore.

Sayang.

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Jadi ingat tangguh masa Allah bagi ni bukan hal "nanti dulu, malam masih muda.." lagi.
Muda-muda pun mati. Tua-tua pun mati. Semalam lahir hari ni mati. Pun ada.

Jadi tak ada satu hari pun yang berlalu dalam hidup kita yang kita jadi muda balik. Semuanya sebaliknya.

Maka hargailah tangguh waktu Allah.
Bertaubat nasuhalah kepada Allah.

Janganlah kembali ke jalan neraka kerana banyak jalan neraka ada atas dunia ni 'indah-indah' belaka.

Dan semua jalan ke syurga atas dunia ni 'suram-suram' belaka namun akal kan ada.

Fikirlah!

Hati

Pelikkan? Kadang-kadnag masalah hati ni dia boleh tiba-tiba jadi kosong sepi dan sunyi. Ada kalanya dia boleh jadi bahagia sangat walau tanpa sebab. Sebelum tidur rasa tenang tapi bangun tidur rasa kosong like barren land.

Pelik.

Tapi hati yang kosong ibarat rumah kosong , jangan dibiar lama nanti diduduki syaitan. Jadi hadirilah kelas agama. Kalau tak mampu, isi dada itu dengan ilmu agama Islam. Walaupun kita ni dilahirkan sebagai seorang Muslim tak bermakna kita arif benar dengan agama kita sendiri. Imagine learning our own religion? Knowing Allah and Islam, isn't that wonderful? Kan.

Berkenalan dengan Allah dan rahmat-Nya. Berkenalan dengan cerita para Rasul dan Nabi Allah Taala. Mesti best.

Kalau kita ni barren land banyak dah barren land kat dunia ni dah disuburkan, sampai boleh jadi ladang-ladang buah, sayur dan bunga. Sedangkan tanah batu boleh dilembutkan, mengapa tidak seketul daging lembut itu? Hati. Kan.

Tempatkanlah, utamakanlah Allah Taala sebagai yang pertama sepanjang kita hidup ni. Like kalau nak keluar jalan, solat dulu baru keluar jalan. Panas litlit macamana pun kita rasa kat luar tu, pakai jugak tudung, baju labuh, tutup aurat, pakai stoking and handsocks , barulah keluar rumah. Berikrar, letakkan Allah before me.

Sekalipun hati ni tak tenteram, kosong, tak rasa ikhlas atau macam tak rasa apa-apa always put Allah first before us.

Selalunya hati yang menentukan tindak tanduk kita baik atau tak, tapi kalau hati ada masalah, kadang-kadang  ada baiknya we let our actions decides our hearts.

Sebab deep down kita memang yakin pada Allah, beriman pada Allah, takut akan Allah jadi jangan berbahas dengan hati sendiri (sebab hati ada syaitan was-was, qarin , nafsu sendiri lagi yang ajak kita ke arah kesesatan).

Biar kita 'degilkan' dan tabahkan diri untuk ikut suruhan Allah, perintah Allah. (Paksa diri pun boleh). Sebab tidak ada satu pun perintah Allah yang memudaratkan and semuanya menambaik baik diri kita-means ikut perintah Allah kita always upgrading ourselves!

Jangan berbalah dengan syaitan dalam hati sebab manusia lagi bagus daripada syaitan tu. Allah cipta manusia lagi tinggi darjatnya dan lebih stabil berbanding syaitan laknatullah.

          HasbiAllah wa nikmalwakeel
Fanikmalmaula wa nikmannasir
Cukuplah Allah bagiku sebagai pelindung
        Sebaik-baik penolong, sebaik-baik penjaga.
❤✔

Dream big or Pray big

We used to say that we dream to bla bla bla..this this that.. and many more right? But the word 'dream' really is underestimated by many nowadays. They just say it ; 'dream' but they never mean it. We all know if we have met someone like that.

Well i have my 'dreams' too. But mine are those that really going to lead me to Jannah. Those kind of dreams that you are willing to die for-giving, literally, your everything. You know, the big dreams of wanting to serve our Muslims family in Syria, Gaza, Palestine, India, Aleppo, Yaman and all around the world. But i don't have yet the privilages to travel here and there, companionships, funds and other issues as well. But, that burning sensation to go there and help them and build them houses and taps for clean water, it just burning. So passionate and intense.

So i am not just 'dream' am i? I have this big desire and for that, i pray big too. I want to makea  really really big prayers for them and for me so i can achieve these dreams & go there asap. I have these dreams and i prayed too so basically nothing will go wrong.  I just need to keep the 'fire' burning long enough and forever so my actions would move along the desires to go there.

I even think to totally take up on medicine for my degree just to be a doctor for them. My Muslim families all over the world, the war zones especially. I just want to share their burdens, i want to help them with all i can, i want to pray and eat or starve with them- to help them go through these never-ending-wars.

So the dreams and the prayers go together. They need each other to become a reality.To make it doable and achievable.

So get up friends! Dream and pray big!

Demi Allah apa saja

Kadang-kadang, bila fikir yang kita pasti mati cuma tak tahu je caranya macam mana, rasa takut yang amat, tapi bila rasa asalkan kita sanggup mati demi Allah Taala, macam macam mana pun caranya nanti, hati terus rasa lega.

Semoga aku menjadi seorang Shahidah seindah pengertian Syahid itu sendiri. Semoga aku diberi pahala syahid sebesar makna itu sendiri. Insyallah. Amin.

Aku tahu

Aku tahu jalan kepada Allah lurus dan aku juga tahu jalan itu susah tapi demi Allah aku kena juga hadapi nya. Selemah mana pun aku, aku tetap tidak tunduk pada syaitan dan bisikan jahatnya. Aku tak kan berputus asa dari rahmat Allah kerana itu adalah dosa besar. Aku sedia menjalani semampunya insyallah. Sekalipun seluruh alam menentangku, asalkan Allah menerimaku dengan gembira , membelaku dan memenangkanku pada akhirnya nanti, asalkan Allah bangga denganku, itulah tujuan sebenar hidupku dimuka bumi ini. Tiada lain sebab kenapa aku sekuat ini melainkan segalanya adalah kekuatan dari Allah. Sungguhpun ujian ini benar2 berat bagiku  , sekalipun hatiku parah luluh namun aku tak kan menyerah kalah!

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Ini adalah jalan pulang kepada Allah. Jalan yang lurus dan yang benar. Maka aku setulus hati beriman kepada Allah;  pemilik roh dan nyawa ini, pemilik hati ini. Maka ampunilah ku Ya Allah. Ampunilahku Ya Allah. Kuatkanlah imanku!

Allah Tuhan yangku tunduk, rukuk dan sujud

Sekalipun hatiku bergolak kencang mengatakan semuanya yang batil dan dusta tapi aku tak kan sesekali mengalah. Keranaku tahu semua bisikan ini adalah was-was syaitan. Bisikan jahat yang menyesatkan lagi merugikan diriku sendiri.

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Allah lah Tuhan semesta alam, Tuhan sekalian alam, yang kepada-Nya aku bersujud rukuk dan tunduk. Hanya kepada Allah lah terletaknya yang hak dan benar, terletaknya roh ku dan nyawaku, jiwa ragaku dan amalanku. Allah Maha Esa, Maha suci Engkau Ya Allah daripada apa yang mereka sekutukan. Kepada Allah lah permulaanku dan pengakhiranku. Pada-Nya lah adanya kesembuhan dan kekuatanku. Pada-Nya lah segala kebaikan dan segala pahala yang mulia dari sisi-Nya. Hanya pada Allah datangnya pengampunan yang agung bagi hamba-hambanya yang meminta dan mencari. Pada Allah setiap sesuatu yang dijanjikan-Nya sungguh, Maha Suci Allah dari apa yang mereka sekutukan.

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Dalam genggaman Allah lah segala roh diciptakan dan pasti pada-Nya jua kami dikembalikan. Pada sisi Allah lah semua kebenaran dalam setiap cerita dan semua penjelasan yang sebaik-baik penjelasan. Aku sujud dan tunduk pada-Nya Tuhan yang Esa, tunggal dan satu-satu-Nya di seluruh alam, yang Maha Mengawasi setiap pergerakanku, yang tidak pernah letih dan tidur, itulah kekuasaan Allah Taala , sungguh, Maha Suci Engkau dari apa yang mereka sekutukan.

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Allah Maha Agung meliputi segala-galanya yang diciptakan sejak permulaan alam diciptakan sehinggalah Hari Kiamat. Sangat benar lah ajal, Hari Kiamat dan Hari kebangkitan dan Hari Pembalasan. Sungguh, pada-Nya lah ada pertimbangan yang paling adil dan pembalasan yang paling adil seadil-adilnya dari sisi-Nya. Tiada lah sebarang sesuatupun sifat-sifat buruk pada-Nya bahkan amat mustahil semua itu untuk Allah. Allah lah yang menggerakkan roh kedalam jasad dan menundukkan laut bergelora bagi manusia mendapatkan sebagian dari kurnia-Nya. Allah lah yang menundukkan haiwan-haiwan yang pelbagai sebagai kenderaan manusia dan sebagai makanan bagi manusia agar kita bersyukur. Allah lah yang telah melembutkan besi bagi umat manusia agar dengannya kita boleh memanfaatkannya dengan lebih baik. Maka nikmat Allah yang mana yang ingin dibahaskan lagi atau dikufurkan lagi? Nikmat yang mana lagi perlu diingkari ?

Sungguh,Maha Suci Allah dari apa yang mereka sekutukan.

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Allah lah pemilik tunggal hati dan rohku, yang mengalirkan darah benar-benar ditempat yang diizinkan,yang menciptakan urat-berurat dan sendi yang mengepam darah tanpa mustahil dan tanpa sakit bagiku. Allah lah yang mengalirkan darah dan bahagian lain dengan selesa dan nyaman agar manusia boleh bekerja dan bersyukur dengan nikmat-Nya. Maka nikmat apa lagi yang tidak cukup bagimu wahai manusia tamak?

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Allah lah yang Maha Bijak lagi Agung menciptakan emas permata, intan berlian, minyak dan air, pokok dan lautan seisinya maka apakah Allah yang miskin ? TIDAK SESEKALI TIDAK! Maka adakah Allah masih menginginkan harta itu semua sedangkan Allah lah yang menciptakannya? - sebanyak mana pun yang telah diketahui manusia atau yang belum diketahui manusia dan boleh saja Allah membuatnya semua berlipat kali ganda tanpa masalah sekalipun dalam sesaat.

Maha Suci Allah dari apa yang mereka sekutukan.

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Ya Allah, kepada-Mu lah segala urusanku kuserahkan bulat-bulat. Kepada-Mu lah aku serahkan iman dan amalku. Pada-Mu lah yang paling aku takut dan malu atas dosa-dosaku. Maha suci Engkau daripada semua yang mereka sekutukan. Ya Allah peliharalah amalan dan pahalaku dan ampunkanlah dosa-dosa besar dan kecilku yang telahku lakukan selama ni secara sedar atau tidak sedar, sengaja atau tidak sengaja. Ampunilahku Ya Allah. Ampunilahku Ya Allah. Ampunilahku Ya Allah.

Beware of modern magic that "separates" you from your Creator.

During the time of Prophet Musa a.s , the pharoah gathered all the magicians to compete with Nabi Musa a.s on magics. The magicians threw their sticks and people were  in awed of what they saw "snakes like" in front of them. But beware! Its were "snakes like"  and not the real snakes. However when Nabi Musa's stick turned to real snakes they were in denial saying that Nabi Musa practicing greater magic than them and it was not real.

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The truth is we need to be careful with the modern magics a.k.a social media. The apps were created to be decieving the eyes , to make people see it is like real world that happening when its obviously not.

How can behind the screen becomes the real world? Absurd!

The interfaces of the apps are very pleasing to eyes, making us feel so into it and almost have this 'hipnosis' attraction. Causing us to spend hours, days and night not to realise how many time we had spent on them alone. This is called addiction. And its a very serious problem.

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These modern magics can bring us apart from Allah, creating boundaries and separating us from our Creator IF WE AREN'T WISE USING THEM. What seems real are not yet we put so much effort liking them, staring at them, alerting ourselves to react to their likes button and other notifications. Little that we know, these modern magics cause mega destruction to our decenties and dignity. More, to our relationship to Allah directly or indirectly.

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Also, Rasulallah SAW said that beware when people have many 'faces' over time. Back then during His time there were no smartphones and apps like nowadays but amazing right Rasulallah SAW able to advice us what we need to know in this modern milennium. Back then people have many 'faces' as being hipocrite and liars. Same goes to now. It just that things got hidden behind the screen. These people are called as Munafiq by Allah and His Prophets. One face behind another and different 'personality' on top of other apps. Dangerously, we all affected in this and we have to do something to be safe.

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Islam never strain us from developing ourselves to changes over time in fact in Islam, it is compulsory to adapt to the changes over time so we can suit ourselves to new places, surrounding and technologies. It is not sin to use Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and other apps as long as we know the purpose of doing so and beware of time spend on these apps. Do not get dragged away, addicted or worst, losing pieces by pieces of yourselves, your faith to Allah, your belief to Islam and your identity over time. If it is what happens then its not the technologies fault instead its entirely ours.

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Think!

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Sharing is usually caring. But not in this matter-not at all. More or less, many lies are there in the invisible world. People spread and share fitnah and we commit to it too when we also do the  sharing on line, verbally or indirectly.

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Take time!
Take time to discover the true news. Take time to research the source. Take time to evaluate the situation whether you should or not hit the share button. In online world we are all on this together. Less or more, we could have a portion of sins or pahala in this.

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Thers no harm to make effort before spreading the news , liking them or share them. It simply human nature to spread goodness but ONLY if it is the real goodness happened. Until then, always always always TAKE YOUR TIME, MAKE SOME EFFORT!
Don't be cause of this, our relationship with Allah Taala becomes dull as we put apps first before Allah, then our prayers are nit being answered, we might disobey Allah, we might be disappointing Allah and Prophets, we might ridiculed the Syari'e and the teachings in Islam, we might dissed the Ulama' and Wali Allah and many others.
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Think!
When we want to post, talk, or share anything we often never consider how bad the indication of our action going to be. Thats the first and foremost mistake! Until we do it and the effects ripple over time, then we realised what we becoming actually.

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Islam guides us to 'see' the effects before it happens yet very little of us want to follow it.
So before anything else, put Allah before ourselves. Then Insyallah, our life will have the clear guidelines to Jannah Insyallah.

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Think!

Jalan kepada Allah tu memang lurus!

Belum pernah aku dengar "jalan kepada Allah itu bengkang-bengkok" ! Sungguh!

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Allah jamin, Allah dah janji, jalan kepada-Nya adalah sentiasa jalan yang lurus. Jalan yang memberi kemudahan dalam segenap aspek kehidupan; makan, minum, pakai, buang, travel, tradisi, adab, hiburan, hubungan, cinta, haiwan dan sebagainya. Semua halal haram Allah ni JELAS LAGI NYATA.

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Ok. Aku mengaku aku sendiri pernah rasa kenapa banyak sangat benda Allah haramkan ni? Susah. Astaghfirullahalazim,  aku ni JAHIL.

Sampailah aku terdengar kuliah ini, ustaz tu kata apa yang susah? Islam tu mudah-agama kemudahan untuk seisi alam. Cuba listkan apa je yang Allah haramkan dalam bab makanan katakan.

1.Arak (juga termasuk jadah-jadah benda yang memabukkan & memudaratkan)
2. Khinzir (termasuk apa-apa yang bersumberkan darinya atau keturunannya).
3. Anjing (termasuk apa-apa yang bersumberkan darinya atau keturunannya)

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Gulpp! Well urmmmm yeahhhhhh hmmmmm arrrrrrrr 3 je ustaz! Yes!

TIGA JE ALLAH HARAMKAN!
So ape benda yang susahnya?

Takdelah susah pun.

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Yang jadi susah bila nafsu tu sibuk nak rasa arak.. Nampak chef2 non-muslims masak terliur bagai sekalipun mereka stew guna daging khinzir dan perisakan pulak dengan arak. Nafsu membakar.. syaitan pun cucuk jarum.. Tapi Allah tak kan biarkan hamba-Nya sesat jadi Allah masuk line. Dengan cara "terdetikkan hati" kita
"Eh, haramni. Mana boleh. Haram haram haram *geleng kepala*".

See?

Automatik kita back to nature to be a better Muslim.

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Allah tahu iman hamba- hamba-Nya ni volatile. Meruap memanjang.  Up and down.. Kejap tebal kejap menipis.. Sebab tu Allah 'peringatkan' kita selalu.. Bila kita nak buat jahat je kalau kita dah terniat jahat tu then tiba-tiba dalam hati
"Eh jap. Patut ke eh aku buat camni?".
(Sah-sah tak patut)..
but bila rasa macam tu Alhamdulillah. Allahuakbar.
Allah is talking to us directly one to one, heart to heart.

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Allah is reminding us that NO! Its not right. You're a Muslim, you shouldn't do that, you are created to do good to be kind and to educate people that Islam always a religion of peace.

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Jalan nak kembali pada Allah memang lurus. Tak ada bengkak-bengkok tapi Allah tak kata jalan itu selamanya easy breezy . Allah kalau nak bagi memang lah senang tapi kita ni yang nak mendapatnya kenalah buktikan betul-betul layak.
Allah tak nak benda lain. Allah Taala dah bagi semuanya pada manusia. Allah cuma minta HATI kita sahaja.
That one only thing- Hati kita.

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Perjalanan ini adakalanya memang payah.

Selalunya, mesti kita akan cepat putus asa then jadi balik macam lepas-lepas, atau bila nak jadi baik orang lain semua cari salah kita, or bila nak berhijrah kita 'rasa kita macam hilang' macam-macam (well tak hilang pun just Allah sifts kan benda yang kita tak perlu. ) Nice kan...? :)

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Tapi cuba tengok, the point is semua yang nak jadi baik mesti pair dengan benda yang kontra right?
At the end nanti SEMUANYA JADI BAIK. Confirm! Allah dah janji. Allah dah janji.
Ingat tu.

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Biarlah kita rasa dan kita tahu yang mungkin sesetengah daripada kita rasa rugi kebendaan dunia, rugi dah tak ada kawan-kawan berkepentingan peribadi, ahli keluarga yang tak menyokong baik, atau jawatan MB asalkan kita billionnaire di Akhirat.

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Kaya pahala lagi bermakna dari kaya emas. Kaya pahala tu effect dia boleh rasa since didunia sekalipun orang lain or sekalipun diri kita sendiri rasa kita ni macam miskin semacam.

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Martabat #BILLIONNAIREAKHIRAT tinggi darjatnya we all know.

TINGGI.

MULIA.

HARUM.

TERHORMAT.
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVIP Allah Taala.

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So jadilah hamba Allah yang Allah bangga nak sebut nama kita pada para malaikat-Nya dan seluruh Rasul & Nabi-Nya & pada seluruh kerajaan langit-Nya & Allah suka nak hebahkan pasal kita pada seluruh alam (macam-macam alam) ciptaan-Nya. All about us. WOWWW!

So jangan tunggu lama-lama bila niat dan badan rasa semangat ja nak berhijrah. Bila rambut rasa macam tiba-tiba nak serkup pulak. Bila tiba-tiba rasa malu pulak jalan kat pasar malam pakai tudung dah but rasa orang tengok dada kita. Or bila tiba-tiba kita pandang kaki kita nampak 'bogel' je kulit tak 'berpakaian'. And, bila tiba-tiba dengar azan kali ni rasa nak nangis dia tu menyusupppp masuk macam nak sujud time tu juga!

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So bila dah rasa begitu jangan tunggu lama-lama. K?
🙂
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Sekian at 1:38 am

It gonna pass anyway

Every time i had this filthy crossings in my mind or my heart says somethings unacceptable to me and my faith, i just knew it will pass very soon. Of course i feel gabra and gelabah a bit at first because its really wrong but i never want to say it or ever want it to happen. Whenever it comes, its like the gasoline catches fire- super quick and snap! And for few minutes in between that, i will be 'frozen' and thinking so deep to pujuk myself that i just knew these all gonna go away shortly after and i don't feel a thing. Great way too!

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Any suggestion to stop your heart and mind from 'talking' or picturing rubbishh??

Iman boleh berdiri sendiri tanpa logik tapi logik takkan mampu berdiri tanpa iman

Iman boleh berdiri sendiri tanpa logik atau dengan logik sebab Iman Islam itu datangnya terus dari Allah Taala. Macam Allah Taala meniupkan roh Nabi Isa Alaihisalam kedalam rahim Mayram Radiallahuanhu. Bila kita benar-benar beriman kepada Allah, kita mesti mengakui bahawa ianya betul. Nabi Isa lahir tanpa bapa. Itu adalah satu mukjizat bagi Baginda dan bukti agung kemampuan Zat Allah Taala. Kita tak perlu mencari 'logik' pun disebalik kisah ini sebab kita tak kan mampu. Terlalu banyak kes sains yang masih mengelirukan manusia dan pakar-pajar, sehinggalah kita buntu akal bagaimana benda yang dihadapan mata kita,yang boleh disentuh, dispesimenkan, dikaji itu pun kita tak mampu nak fikir logik sebab musababnya berlaku, inikan pula benda yang jauh lepas dan diluar kemampuan akal manusia?

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Manusia, sedarlah. Jika logik kisah Maryam itu dikata Nabi Isa sebagai anak Tuhan sedangkan Baginda sendiri berkali-kali MENAFIKANNYA, dan sedangkan dalam Kitab Bible mereka itu juga, ditulis bahawa Nabi Isa tidak pernah claim divinity terhadap dirinya, jadi apa pegangan mereka sebenarnya? Mereka kata beriman kepada kitab tapi cara hidup mereka bertentangan dengan kitab mereka sekalipun mereka yang telah mengubahsuainya. Lihatlah. Apabila Allah berkata-kata, sekalipun Nabi utusan-Nya berkata-kata memberi bukti demi bukti  mengikut kehendak mereka namun bila sampai segala bukti mereka tetap juga tidak beriman. Yang benarnya, mereka hanya menulikan telinga dan mati hatinya. Mereka hanya mahukan provokasi dan bukannya penjelasan. Mereka tidak mahu berfikir sekalipun dengan adanya logik, jawapan benar, bukti sains. Jadi benarkan, logik saja tak kuat nak hidup sendiri. Logik saja tak mampu defend diri sendiri sebab logik akal tanpa iman banyak datangnya dari MANUSIA. So berapa ramai manusia yang tak beriman dengan sebenar-benar iman di dunia ini  debating about this case, dengan each person bagi opinion logik masing-masing. Dengan ayat, "...i think...". Well, your "i think" alone cannot beat Allah abilities man. Even your body is created by Allah. We cannot even study about soul, souls in our very own bodies! We don't know what it looks like, how much its weigh, whats the taste,whats the color, whats the form and shape,whats is in its mass? We don't know that very own thing inside ourselves yet we are busy debating with Allah on how He can created a soul without men intervention?

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Bahasa kasarnya, "mind your own business". Banyak lagi yang boleh dikaji dan dipelajari dalam Quran dan disekeliling kita. Kalau ikutkan logik semata-mata manusia boleh jadi GILA sebab terlalu banyak kemungkinan can be derived endlessly. Kita human ada limit tertentu that we cannot go beyond that or else, all wires just 🌋.

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Dengan adanya keimanan, Allah bagi guidelines untuk semuanya- every single thing. Kau nak belajar nak menuntut ilmu, go ahead. Tapi kena beriman sebab Allah dah tahu ada benda tak ada sesiapa mampu "logicalize" kan so percaya pada Allah Taala. Tu fungsi Iman dalam Islam. As guidelines for us to run this life parallelly with logics and illogics in life. IMAN KEPADA ALLAH. SANGATLAH PENTING. The only key to survive on this Earth and to win at Thereafter.

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Jadi ingat!

Iman itu datangnya direct dari Allah Taala. Direct dari Allah Taala ni besar maknanya dan powernya. So Iman boleh berdiri sendiri sekalipun tanpa sokongan logik Tetapi logik-logik manusia tu tak kan mampu berdiri sendiri melainkan dengan Iman dan Hidayah dari Allah Taala, yang Maha Esa lagi Maha Agung!

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Sekian at 1:39am.

Bayar hutang lagi wajib

OK this post is a close reminder for me. Haha. Alright now seriously, owes are compulsory to be paid on time in Islam. We did not want to burden the borrower and we cannot live and sleep in peace thinking that we haven't paid him his money yet. Right?

Its a human nature.

We are never be at peace if we haven't settle our owes yet.

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The same concept goes to Qada Puasa . Oh you know during Ramadhan we the ladies have some time-off from fasting due to Syarie' cause. Its okay to leave some day off from fasting for this inevitable reason. No worry. Not big deal. BUT, once its over we have to continue fasting the remaining days ahead until the end of Ramadhan just like everyone else. What about the days we left? Well the air Allah gives could be free of charge but this time its not. We have to "replace" the lefted days during Ramadhan before the next Ramadhan comes. The days? Depends on how much day-off you took. Simple.

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Let me tell that fasting during not Ramadhan time is challenging. With weather like Malaysia especially during summer-like, its twice as challenging. But, an eye for an eye people. You have days off so you have to pay with days on back. No other way around this time.

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So while everyone is joining at lunch, sipping cappucino in the morning, the smells of nasi goreng tapau lingers around your space, fasting is a real deal. (We going to have a lot of But here). But, thats all nafsu..lust. we can actually control them. We have eaten all day long 24/7 over the years and not eating 1 day would never in even 1000 year could possibly kill you. Remember that Allah is our priority in life. If we owe our friends we are worried but this time we owe Allah, don't you think we should be super duper worried?? Triple worry. We should, because Allah can take our lives before we even finish Qada our Puasa. Then down there, what our answers gonna be? Its hard mann. Down there, we cannot excusing at all.

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So thats why, we must put Allah as our biggest- number-1-super -important-the-ultimate-between- life-and-death Priority. Its always been Allah before me. Until the days off all paid we don't even own our stomach yet. Pay first, eat later. (Don't make it last minute either) As Allah never put our days-off in last minute so that we can enjoy them glory ahead so why, when it comes to replacing them, we want to make it wayy 2000 late right..? Not fair. Dosa some more adalah. Menangguhkan kebaikan dan bayaran hutang. Cannott.

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So until the next Ramadhan comes, be responsible of our own days off and replace all of them wisely. Make plans should work great too. And if we can add puasa Sunat in between that, awesome. Allah will look at us so gracefully and grant us Heaven Insyallah.

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Think.

To take control of myself

All my life i've been wanting to take full control of myself. The feeling of 'conciousness' when we talk or think something that we so sure its us & not our subconcious mind. I wanted to take charge of what i can and cannot say especially to put off once for all those hideous crossings of ideas and nonsense i heard in my heart.

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Deep down, its my goal in life. I wanted to able to remember what i thought for a second ago or, just be able to rewind back what had just happened three seconds ago. I know it sounds cray cray but trust me, all my life trauma had led me up this way; a way where once, i taught myself to forget all the pain and its event even it happened a moment ago because i couldn't deal well with it. So even after now, the habit goes on.

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Pretty much crazy, i regretted it the whole time..till now too. Like i'm losing control over my own mind that its automatically tuned into the habits. I wanted to remember what i thought just now yet 'it deleted' info wayyy to quickly. Bad things; i couldn't restore them.

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What i did ruined myself i know. Just because it looked "the best option" by that time, that did not mean to be the best option for now. I learnt my lesson in suchhh a hard hard wayyy.

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But now i am ready to correct things. I have to fix my own life and this mistake so i won't live in such despair and depressions again. Its a disease that you developed and evolved over years. And its dangerous. I admit my mistakes and focusing to make up my hearts back. The only way for this is Taubat Nasuha. I need to pray real hard and serious because this is about my life , my heaven, my pahala. The last things i want is all my pahala becomes dust-loser. I want to achieved that stage where Allah Taala is so proud of my iman, that My Prophet Muhammad also is so proud of having me as His ummat, and that at Mahsyar i gained the real winning and passes to enter Jannah.

Other goals are just inequivalent to any of those. This. Is. Important.
This. Is. Serious.
Its a business talk, one to one with Allah. No one can help us unless we help ourselves.

Allah Taala is the most giving- all we got to do is ask.

Whatever i do is Lillahitaala.

Lets #lillahitaala peeps!

If you can't change the fact then accept it, deal with it.

"Every living will face death." - Al Quran Nur Karim

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I used to freak out the fish out of me whenever i heard 'death'. I have a longg history with this particular word and honestly,i never moved on that far from it yet. But as i grow better, i want to be a lil more wiser each day. I make ways to learn my religion Islam, i make time to read Quran and it's translation, i try to wear decently; i basically trying to make a hugee change over here.

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None of the above is ever been easy pissy😅.

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I faced depressions over times, i knew it but i did not really get a proper treatment because i can't afford it. So the only way is by Allah; i'm letting it all out to Him. I also faced family problems, financials, relationships issues, healthcare issues and others. Especially the deppression, everytime it attacks me, i was not my self at all. The emotion splurging in and out controlling my mind with nonsensities (if that word ever existed), i couldn't help myself much. I just accept i got this and take time while this rage inside of me take on better side of me. While that too, of course, mengucap 24/7 laa. Sakitnya hati and minda masa tu tak dapat nak describe. So perit.

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I am so scared of death to a point i could just freeze and my eyes looking sharp to one point for tenths of minutes before i get back to normal. The only reason of this is because of my sins and so many wrongdoings i've done throughout my life. I am not ready to die! I always shout inside my heart. I have a lot to pay to people, to fast, to repay and replace, to return and give, to know and learn but ultimately, to truly repent as Taubat Nasuha.

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But since yesterday, i learn the fact that we must be afraid of death but that does not make us must live in excessive fear of it that we lose hope to live tomorrow. I really realised, that we cannot avoid death but we can choose to have a better result down there later. Thats by beriman kepada Allah Taala, really really beriman, solat, bayar zakat and do all other ibadah earnestly, sincerely and merely Lillahitaala; Kerana Allah Taala. When we cannot change the fact  then accept it and make the best for it. Live to be kind to others, hidupkan that kindness in our heart by doing many pahala so that Allah will win us among others till hari Kiamat and Judging Day. The bottom are; beriman dan jadi baik.

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I repeatedly tell myself whenever i have this was-was issue in doing ibadah or things, that Islam is simple. Islam itu mudah. Tak membebankan me or anyone on this planet. So i will instantly comeback to the fitrah and rational of the situation to find the answers easily.

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Kematian tak mungkin dapat dielak oleh sesiappun tapi manusia yang beriman kepada Allah Taala boleh memilih pengakhiran yang baik dan mendapatkan kemenangan yang sebenar. Sesungguhnya dunia ini hanyalah gurauan dan permainan semata-mata.

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Think.

Seek helps

Some people say that they really don't need anybody else in this world. Well in some situation, this partly true but often than not, we would always in need of helps, don't we? We cannot live alone. Even its not impossible but seeing how fast the world is changing right now, we need to catch up on lots of things as well. We cannot divide ourselves into two different persons and went berserk. So at times, even at the simplest situation we do need helps.

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But when we are in a situation that is so impossible for human to help or interfere, who do we seek for?

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Allah Taala. Its always Allah Taala from the beginning. For with Him is all the recoveries and ways out for all things and problems. Especially when we had worked hard on it and theres nothing else we can do to save the person, ourself or the situation. Like in the operation room where the surgeons may did their best but the rest is on Allah Taala. At all times, Allah wants us to realise that He is the first and final say of everything. That only to Him everything returns to. And that, we must believe in Him and tawakkal to Him all the time after the hardworks. Allah wants us to remember, to always be a grateful servant, to always appreciate others help, to always see His Mercy and Greatness in everything happens  and to always put Allah first before anything else.

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It matters. Sometimes we cannot argue on reasons why something is happening to us. We cannot argue with logics on how does it happens? Even we try to crack one reason out of the universe, we just cannot find one. Thats why, we need to put Allah first until the last all the time. Because its with Him all the reasons for things happened, for He is the Almighty and The one that knows it all. Allah could easily tell you why it happens if He wants to; all we have to do is ASK. Ask genuinely, with sincere hearts to clarify things happening in our life that we don't understand. Allah has all the answers-don't worry.

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Islam is a straight guidance to Jannah and happiness. Allah means well so He knows that humans need a religion to keep us insane, healthy, happy and to live with purposes. The ultimate purpose; to enter Jannah- of course. Islam is the only religion of fitrah. Which means, Islam is the only faith that knows you the best before you even know yourself on what you need to success in life. No matter how others try to defy Islam and its teachings , one way or another, they would soon realise that their actions will always revert back to Islam teachings- the "hows things done in Islam". Their hearts would feel that why is it things with Islam feels so close so right to me? Like Islam knows me better than i thought. Simply because Islam is not created by human, not by angels, not by Prophets. Islam is directly sourced from Allah, our creator, The Creator of All Universe. So Allah knows that at this point  human will see that  we have always want peace in our souls and for that , only Islam can bring the contentments in our real life.

The heart want what it wants.

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The reality is, we cannot defy something created by Allah. Don't waste the energy to challenge whats fated and decided by Allah. Why, when Allah has decide the best way of things, we would want to experimenting with other way of life,and put our lives at stake and danger??

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Think.

Iman sekuat Masitah

Masitah adalah seorang tukang sikat rambut anak perempuan firaun. Namun, tatkala sikat tersebut jatuh pantas Masitah mengucapkan "Dengan nama Allah celakalah Firaun". Maka anak firaun begitu terkejut dan bertanya semula tentang apa yang didengarinya. Masitah sedikit pun tidak takut menyatakan bahawa Allaha adalah Tuhannya, Tuhan kepada Firaun dan Tuhan sekalian alam. Anak perempuan firaun lantas memberitahu firaun maka Masitah dihadapkan. Firaun bertanya tentang kejadian  itu dan Masitah sedikitpun tak gentar. Begitu ramai orang memujuk Masitah agar kembali kepada Firaun untuk elak dibunuh bersama seluruh keluarganya. Hebat nya iman Masitah bukanlah tandingan kita apabila Masitah rela dibunuh bersama keluarga daripada mensyirikkan Allah. Permintaannya cuma satu; agar dikuburkan dalam sebuah liang lahad bersama ahli keluarga. Minyak yang panas menggelegak menunggu ahli keluarga Masitah yang satu-satu telah terjun kedalamnya sehinggalah.. sampai kepada anak kecilnya yang masih menyusu. Bayi tersebut dilihatnya dan Masitah teragak-agak untuk terjun namun kuasa Allah tiada tandingannya, melebihi kemampuan dan penerimaan hamba-hambanya. Bayi tersebut tiba-tiba bercakap dan memujuk Masitah agar terjun dan jangan takut kepada firaun. Mendengar itu, maka Masitah yakin akan keimannya kepada Allah mengatasi segala-galanya maka terjunlah Masitah kedalam minyak tersebut. Riwayat Masitah sekeluarga tamat didunia namun harumnya nama beliau di kerajaan langit membuatkan kuburnya harum bertahun-tahun lamanya.

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Based from this TRUE STORY, i was inspired to be as strong as Masitah. Of course, she had far more heavier test than me (even now) but the gist was, the iman she had overcome her fear for human and she choosed Allah without no hesitation AT ALL. You had nothing to separate you from death in front of you and of course you scared. Seeing the whole situation where one by one of your family jumped and died was already awefully unbearable and your baby in arms some more.  But amazingly Masyallah! She had no fear for firaun and choosed to meet Allah Taala rather than this world.

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I feel nothing like close to that but i am willing to be like her, to not fear people, to idolize her iman to Allah, to see that with Allah theres nothing to lose. I want to be like her that knows no fear other than to Allah, and having such great faith and believe to Allah is sufficient enough for heaven. Masitah, you are truly an amazing Muslimah, one of the true idol ever existed in history, the real steel woman, which your heart was so pure to love only Allah and nothing else. Masitah, may we meet someday. May i become exactly just like you. May i can be as strong heart as you did,  not just for myself but also to be as strong as you for the family as well. I really really pray so hard to be like you and to see you in heaven one day insyallah.

#belikeMasitah #nofearlikeMasitah #womenofsteelMasitah

Allah, you listened to my heart and for that, i want to be like Masitah. To love you unconditionally, to only live and die for you, to always always always put you first before me.

Insyallah , Allah, this time its always YOU before me. Insyallah.

Is something wrong with me?

I have felt quite strong and intense pulse under and around my belly button for about a week. I never felt this before. I am so worried as it disturbs my sleep and emotion greatly. If i have money i would already dash to the hospital for CT SCAN and MRI but...
I feel so anxious. Like a panic attack just because of this. I thinking so much about this. It is so uncomfortable and it pulsating strong and sometime, short but sharp and intense pain. I can feel "things" moving in a tube under my belly button and around it. I keep silence for days but i couldn't bear this anymore because it disturbs me completely. I gald that it went like temporary less appearing for atleast hours since yesterday until today's evening but now it happening again. When i pressed really really hard exactly on my navel and hold my breath, i can feel the 'core' of the pulse that is unusually strong for me. I googled for days and read almost all articles about the AAA (aorta aneurysm). I read them repeatedly just to ensure but my emotions just getting worse. I started to draw things in mind which i hatttee so much! I asked few close people but they feel nothing like i did. I also put my phone on my navel to test this pulse and my phone went up and down notably along with the pulse i feel. I know that we have this aorta at the abdomen but if i am able to feel it normally, i would have feel it long time ago. But this just came about a week ago and absolutely abnormal and new to me. So uncomfortable.
I typed pain under navel and new articles came up and more diseases heard. I have mixed feelings right now but basically, scared , too scared to know what is it actually. I really hope i can see a professional doctor and experts but i don't have any money. I cannot afford expensive private hospital. But i'm trying for government hospital as well. Maybe i'm going in for next week.

Pray for me guys. I'm a brave lady but this is new to me. I'm scared as well. May Allah ease. Please please please.
*It still notably pulsating the whole moment i type this and still continuing*

Even our days aren't actually ours

Allah said to sleep and to wake up at one third of the night (about 3am) to pray. Its called Tahajjud. The kind of prayer that you settle yourself infront of Allah, humblely down to your both knees and sujood, and that you freed yourself from earthly matters and desires. Tahajjud is the prayer to speak to Allah, one-to-one, alone and peaceful.

What makes it so special to the Prophets is that the rarity of the time it should be done at. For most human, to wake up while we're in deep sleep is so hard. And to wake up at the middle of the night at 3am is just WOW. And able to pray at that time, DOUBLE WOW.

But its not impossible at all. If the Prophets can done it why can't we? Right?
Our days are not actually ours. Its all Allah. Everything is His. Whatever in between that, is His. Whatever happens in between the days is also His. We, basically, literally,own almost nothing unless very little from this life. So when Allah asked we to wake up for Subuh prayer,we wake up. When Allah said that Tahajjud is the 'real deal' to be closer to Him so we wake up too. When Allah said perform the Zuhur on midday we wake up. We have to, we must, like it or not, because we don't own the world. Allah created it. We don't own the time, Allah owned it. We don't create rain and seeds, Allah created it. So have respect for The Creator, The real owner, The Boss of The Whole Universe. We don't want to take but not to pay right? So.
When He asked us to pray we pray. Don't argue on logical reasons or the science & magics behind this alone instead it is so simple. The concept is you pay what you take. And if you do it and you get repay. Allah means well, everything is good about Him, so all commandments must have good valid reasons to why we, humans, have to perform it.

Now that just cover the physical aspects. What about souls? We knew nothing about it-too little or almost nothing at all. Soul is Allah's all alone. When The Creator said thats His secret, it His. None of the human being would even possibly know about it. Even they claimed they knew, blufffff-don't even believe them.

The magic behind all Ibadah we do, its complete the souls needs. Now don't tell that you know yourself completely. You most probably did not even know what to eat at lunch hour yesterday.so we, knowing ourselves too well as we say...? Bluff. We don't know ourselves that well. We cannot make a precise decision most of the time. We always say we don't know what to do or say. Where to go. Who we should turn to. What taste do we like. We cannot even decribe our feelings-Our OWN FEELINGS!

But Allah knows us because He created us. He knows the mechanism of us. He knows how complicated we can be but we are actually very easy on our needs. He knows that we always want a lot of everything when our physical and emotions actually need very little to be happy. He knows that every human being is unique and our needs are different because He created us differently. He knows that we are bad at describing things so He created languages, signs and all. We see, Allah owns us so He knows each of His Creation preferences, the good and the bad, what we up to and whats in our soul. He knows everything we need of!

But human we are too arrogant thinking we are all good without prayers, without fasting, without Zakat, without Hajji, without Him. We like good things, good people, good neighbourhood, good foods and good clothes and remember how everything good belongs to Allah? So now why we should be picky and choosy over good things above all the good things we can do? Besides these few good things like prayers and fasting were directly commanded to us by Allah through the Quran. Making them as super duper extremely terribly important deeds we must put first before anything else.

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Don't be like this. We just dropping by on Earth, we most probabily live to only 70ties, we gonna get old, the cycle will eventually come, we back to 'babies'-weak, cannot do things on our own, cannot walk or feed ourselves. The point is, we really really gonna be on Earth for a really really short time only. And the ultimate goal is The Thereafter. We must earn the pass to Heaven. We must have more good deeds on the scale. We must have great Iman to pass the Sirat Bridge. We must-theres no excuse to not to because Prophets are normal human and they are ALL GOING TO HEAVEN and we are normal humans too so we ALL SHOULD BE GOING TO HEAVEN too. When history done it, we must have to remake it happen as well. When Prophets done it so beautifully, so we must do it so beautifully too.

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May we all working hard toward Jannah. Insyallah.

Jenayah hati

Masa tgok cite Bring it on, Ghost Prof jahat tu kena tangkap.. Masa dipenjara dia kata "Jenayah hati dia lagi besar dari jenayah fizikal dia." Tergamam aku.

Betullah tu.

Jenayah hati- banyaknya jenayah hati aku buat aku rasa aku ni menjijikkan. Buat aku rasa sangat down sebab aku tahu kotornya hati aku ni. Sangat sangat kotor. Aku sedar dosa-dosa aku terlalu banyak. Hati aku ni asyik bercakap tanpa henti. Semua benda yang buruk. Benda yang melampaui batas agama. Kadang2 benda yang tak nak aku ucapkan pun die terlintas. Hati ni pelik sangat. Aku rasa macam diluar kawalan pun ada. Lintasan2 syaitan yang bisikkan aku benda bukan2..benda dosa.. benda buruk.. Yang xde kena mengena dn sesuatu hal pun boleh terlintas dalam minda ni. Laju je. Tiba2.

Dosa aku banyaknya tak terkira. Aku sedar. Aku mengenangkan dosa sendiri pun sedih. Banyak sangat sejak zaman khilaf aku dulu zaman baligh seronok je dunia huhahuha aurat kemana solat apatahh. Namun syukur yang amat Allah 'tarik' aku slow2 lama2 aku kenal erti sebenar hidup jadi manusia ni.

Namun aku xnafikan terumbang-ambing aku dibuatnya. Banyak kali dalam mencari yang 'hakiki' dari Allah. Syaitan banyak bisikan yang salah.. nafsu ku susah nak dikalahkan.. tapi aku ingat balik  "Dunia ni kejap je.." "KEJAP."

So baliklah kita ke fitrah manusia dimana hati hanya akan tenang dengan mengingati Allah. Bila 'diserang' teruk aku rebah cari Allah. Bukan senang nak 'sihatkan' minda ni semula..nak 'sihatkan' hati supaya dengar cakap kita.

Lama2 alah bisa tegal biasa. Tapi, sekarang jadi lagi.. minda ligat dengan tanda2 kematian.. kawasan pusat rasa semacam.. kdg rasa sakit pulak.. macam ada benda gerak2. Berdenyut semacam. Gerak2. Of courselah takut.. semua benda nak dikaitkan dgn mati. Hati rasa down. Ya Allah je tahu.

Doaku agar dipanjangkan umur dengan kesihatan yang baik. Semoga menjadi hamba Allah yang taat dan diampunkan dosa2. Amin.

Back to normal days

Tomorrow, the schools open as usual. Deepavali holidays are over and so my holidays. Tomorrow i have to wake up early , send kid to school, pick them up back, cookings and baking, vacuuming.. exactly back to normal.

Its tiring but being able to grow up with your loved ones, and spend more time with them seeing they grow up, its priceless.

I can understand how the children nowadays, what happens in their days, whom they're friending with and so on. Its fun because children are different and they just do as they say.

I don't know how much time i have to stay with the family but every seconds count. Later after i enrolled back to the U, then we'll be missing each other a lottt. Soon, days are busy, full schedule with study and everyone busy to catch up with their life, we might overlook the family we got.

Family by blood is Allah creation. Even you want to break it you can't. Its special. And one of every kinds.
Love yourself , love your family.
💕💞👪💑💏👬👭👥

Alhamdulillah another day living

Alhamdulillah. Today another day we live happily and in serene. We should say the good things first before the bad things. What i mean is,aybe you have bad news to say and its inevitible But start your word with "Alhamdulillah for today but we have bad news to say..."

Its a great practice. To always see the good thibgs first  and appreciate Allah. It also don't make us overlook the happiness even the little little ones around us. Plus, it shows how grateful we are to Allah when we start the sentences with praises to Him and His Givings.

---

So today, i try hard to handle this idk what anxiety or sth.. i let myself find good reasoning.. and revert back to Allah.. i found that Quran always help. What would i do without Quran? My soul might be floating around and problems still piling up.

Idk whether my guts telling the truth or not because at times, i don't even believe my self. We are not saint. Thats why we need to hold to Allah whom is always kind and never wrong. We gotto balance ourself. Its hard.

I try not to think too much of the signs even i feel it. It might be something else. We never know. The more we think and stressing about somehting, the more it will appear as what we fantasize and not as what it is in real life. Body and mind work together. So if we too focus on the signs let say, then the body will react as we think. Giving us the signs even we don't have anything wrong with us.

Thats right- the biggest foe is always ourselves.

Now Ain, beat this foe! Don't be paranoid. Don't overthink. Its very unhealthy and dangerous!⚠⚠⛔🚫

Sometime you just don't know

I've been thinking about death quite some times already for the past few months. Of course I'm scared thnking is this the signs of death? Am i going to die very soon?

Every living will past death. Thats for sure. But i'm scared thinking that i have too much to settle yet. I am not ready.

I feel pulses under my belly button and i don't know if it just me or what. Sometimes its there and sometimes its not. I had this before - the exact same situation, in fact worse but years past by & Alhamdulillah I still doing good. So thats why i doubt myself but im scared what if this time its is. Wallahu.

Ya Allah, panjangkanlah umur kami sekeluarga dengan kesihatan yang baik Ya Allah. Please . Amin Ya Rabbalalamin.

On other hands, i want to cook for my mother & abah tomorrow morning insyallah. My heart break to pieces when my mom told me she did not eat during the day to save money for us. I just can't.. words can't describe.. it feels so wrong.. so i try to make up for things like this. This should not happen you know.. she worked hard.. her job is not easy.. she needs food.. she needs energy, calories. 

Ya Allah, please jagakan my mama..my mama...my mama.. and abah fot the rest of the life. ❤
Amin.

So...

Im so scared of death. All the time. The "what if" question got me really into depression and paranoia. I was and am scared right now thinking if i cannot see tomorrow's sunlight. I've been in this situation many times before but this time im into taking this as 'different'  but i also think i will be okay later. I don't kbow what happens to me. Sometimes we just get emooo. I scared because i didn't have ebough good deeds for my self. I have owes to settle but i can't yet because im not working. Its so worrying. I cannot be at peace. I want to go to Mekah. I want to stay in Aleppo, Syria, Gaza, Palestine, to help them be with them. I have a lot to do.

Ya Allah, panjangkanlah umur ku dan seluruh ahli keluargaku Ya Allah. Ampunilah kami Ya Allah. Ampunilah kami.

Deep in my mind & heart

You know what guys? Lately my mind has gone WILD i mean really really wild. I don't know whether its my mind alone or my heart has problem but i think its my heart all the way. I also feel this slightly but quite intense headache like never before. (I keep thinking SALT is the cause of this) Well, gotta keep a healthy diet now. I also started to feel very very super duper unhealthy. I ate terrible junk foods, months without exercise, heart was in bad emotions, mind wondering around and getting rusty.

I don't really feel good. Heart doesn't feel good... minds erghhh. Think i need to brush up myself. Be closer to Allah SWT , read Quran, Fasting and do more sedekah and good deeds so i can cleanse these black dots in my heart away. Insyallah. Ameen. ❤