Dosa-dosa

Selalu aku fikir yang will Allah forgives me? This ME whom is always ignorant, snobbish, a sinner? I know Allah sangat-sangat pemaaf but everytime I did sins it felt so stupid. I have the will to stop it from doing, still i sinned. I wronged myself especially Allah. I become ungrateful not want to remember how Allah always help me; always listen to every single thing i want, things i pray for, always listen to a things i didn't / couldn't say, things i kept quiet about, things i afraid to confess, things that no human can understand, things that are so complicated even i sometimes, can't get it myself either. He knows me too well. Allah closer to me than me with my own soul. Allah is closer that my heart with its beating, closer than the blood flowing through my veins, Allah is closer than anything in this world.

I never want to question the situation; will He forgives me?-because I know He does it all the time. Otherwise i won't be living now. He continuously forgives me all the time and let me live another day so that i know that i did wrong, i wronged many hearts and i haven't completely repent yet. Another day living is actually another chances and Allah keeps giving me the chances Masyallah. Im so lucky i am.

But still, everyday i sin my self and disappoint Allah. Im not a good servant & far from being pious but i know i have good heart. Allah promised that a good heart will only be in good soul. Become a good person.

I know i cannot stop making sins but i can lessen it. I can never give up from be on the right lane towards Jannah. I know that with some restriction i can completely cover my aurat. I know that with strict practice and schedule i can pray on time and do more Tahajjud. I know i can. I know.

I don't know much about other knowledge i. this world  and i'm still learning too..but i'm really sure i live for Allah. I want to be that person whom Allah will be so proud to mention my name to the sky and angels. I want to live and die as a Muslim in which Allah upgrades my honor by His side. That kind of pride and dignity. I want Rasulallah to be proud of having me as His ummat and i want to walk beside Him at the Thereafter and to drink from His hands at the Kautsar Well.

Am i being irrational?

No I Am Not.
I still make mistakes everyday , every seconds but at least i need to try keep-on adding good deeds in my scale as well. Balancing. I must ignore the whispers of "i'm not forgiven" or "will Allah forgives me?" Because He obviously does! Allah Maha Pemaaf dan kemaafaan Allah amatlah luas meliputi seluruh alam. Kelembutan Allah amatlah lembut melebihi apa yang manusia bayangkan sedangkan bayangan tu pun tak sedikit pun menggambarkan lembutnya kasih sayang dan kemaafan Ya Rabb.

Ya Rabb. I am sorry for all things i've done. For all sins i committed. It was all on me. I cannot be at peace thinking all that. I know i was all the blame-solely. I am sorry Allah. I'm sorry.

Lailahaillallah Muhammadur Rasulallah . There's no God except Allah and Prophet Muhammad is His Mesangger.