"Every living will face death." - Al Quran Nur Karim
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I used to freak out the fish out of me whenever i heard 'death'. I have a longg history with this particular word and honestly,i never moved on that far from it yet. But as i grow better, i want to be a lil more wiser each day. I make ways to learn my religion Islam, i make time to read Quran and it's translation, i try to wear decently; i basically trying to make a hugee change over here.
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None of the above is ever been easy pissy😅.
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I faced depressions over times, i knew it but i did not really get a proper treatment because i can't afford it. So the only way is by Allah; i'm letting it all out to Him. I also faced family problems, financials, relationships issues, healthcare issues and others. Especially the deppression, everytime it attacks me, i was not my self at all. The emotion splurging in and out controlling my mind with nonsensities (if that word ever existed), i couldn't help myself much. I just accept i got this and take time while this rage inside of me take on better side of me. While that too, of course, mengucap 24/7 laa. Sakitnya hati and minda masa tu tak dapat nak describe. So perit.
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I am so scared of death to a point i could just freeze and my eyes looking sharp to one point for tenths of minutes before i get back to normal. The only reason of this is because of my sins and so many wrongdoings i've done throughout my life. I am not ready to die! I always shout inside my heart. I have a lot to pay to people, to fast, to repay and replace, to return and give, to know and learn but ultimately, to truly repent as Taubat Nasuha.
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But since yesterday, i learn the fact that we must be afraid of death but that does not make us must live in excessive fear of it that we lose hope to live tomorrow. I really realised, that we cannot avoid death but we can choose to have a better result down there later. Thats by beriman kepada Allah Taala, really really beriman, solat, bayar zakat and do all other ibadah earnestly, sincerely and merely Lillahitaala; Kerana Allah Taala. When we cannot change the fact then accept it and make the best for it. Live to be kind to others, hidupkan that kindness in our heart by doing many pahala so that Allah will win us among others till hari Kiamat and Judging Day. The bottom are; beriman dan jadi baik.
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I repeatedly tell myself whenever i have this was-was issue in doing ibadah or things, that Islam is simple. Islam itu mudah. Tak membebankan me or anyone on this planet. So i will instantly comeback to the fitrah and rational of the situation to find the answers easily.
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Kematian tak mungkin dapat dielak oleh sesiappun tapi manusia yang beriman kepada Allah Taala boleh memilih pengakhiran yang baik dan mendapatkan kemenangan yang sebenar. Sesungguhnya dunia ini hanyalah gurauan dan permainan semata-mata.
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Think.
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